Funny Thanksgiving Quotes
- I love chicken. I would eat chicken fingers on Thanksgiving if it were socially acceptable. — Todd Barry
- Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul. — Henry Ward Beecher
- The thankful receiver bears a plentiful harvest. — William Blake
- Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. — Erma Bombeck
- I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. — Erma Bombeck
- You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno
- Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching… — Stephen Colbert
- I'm from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I'm thankful for that. — Howie Mandel
- Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out. — Nicole Hollander
- It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak. — Phyllis Diller
- No One Diets on Thanksgiving. — Erma Bombeck
- The turkey that President Obama will pardon this Thanksgiving is from California. The turkey said, "I don't need a pardon. I need a job.' — Conan O'Brien
- People always think of Chinese food as the go-to ethnic food when everything else is closed during the holidays, but Indian is a nice alternative.… — Unknown Author
- Ever since you're little you hear this: 'The pilgrims left England to escape religious persecution and sneak religious freedom into the new world.' But even… — Greg Proops
- I love to eat. That's why I got so fat; I love to eat. If I don't walk away from a meal hurting, I didn't… — Greg Behrendt
- I have had vegan Thanksgiving of tofurkey and soy gravy. And it's not to say that Thanksgiving will ever justify the genocide of the Native… — Hari Kondabolu
- Proper turkey preparation is critical. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, more Americans die every year from eating improperly cooked turkey than were killed… — Dave Barry
- It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the… — Russell Baker
- Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year. — P.J. O'Rourke
- Praise God even when you don't understand what He is doing. — Henry Jacobsen