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- My mom at night: Goodnight my love, sweet dreams. In the morning: WAKE THE FUCK UP YOU LITTLE SHIT — Nikhil Saluja
- I saw a product on late night tv. It said, you can water your hard-to-reach plants with this product. Who the fuck… — Mitch Hedberg
- If you don't squeeze your girlfriend's boob and honk the car horn at the same time, then what the fuck? — Nikhil Saluja
- I wish pussy could talk just so that my dick would have the pleasure of shutting it the fuck up. — Nikhil Saluja
- Makeup sex: when I 'make up' some shit like, girl I still love you just so I can fuck. — Nikhil Saluja
- If a girl calls me a pussy my penis will fuck her up, cause it's one hardcore mother fucker. — Nikhil Saluja
- Never say 'Fuck Love'. Fuck that motherfucker who broke your love. — BabyFace Jeovanny
- Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck. — George Carlin