Christmas Humor Quotes

16 Christmas Humor quotes by 16 unique authors

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. — George Carlin
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. — Johnny Carson
I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark. — Dick Gregory
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. — Phyllis Diller
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three… — Jay Leno
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my… — Shirley Temple
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included. — Bernard Manning
Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe… — Arlo Guthrie
Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music. — Tom Sims
Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present — Publilius Syrus
The real Santa is... your mom and dad. — Anthony Barger
Yesterday I decided it would be funny to cut in to a box of Christmas crackers and take out all the original cracker jokes inside… — Ryan Swain
Christmas is a time when you get homesick...even when you're home. — Unknown Author
Roses are reddish, Violets are bluish, If it werent for Christmas, Wed all be Jewish. — Benny Hill
When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas! — Hussein Nishah
Dear Santa, I've been good all year.. Okay maybe most of the time...Alright, maybe sometimes.. You know what? Fuck it, I'll get my own present. — Icy Fresh Ninja

Who Wrote These Christmas Humor Quotes

16 authors contributed a total of 16 Christmas Humor Quotes as follows: