Christmas Humor Quotes
16 Christmas Humor quotes by 16 unique authors
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
— George Carlin
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Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
— Johnny Carson
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I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.
— Dick Gregory
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What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
— Phyllis Diller
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The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three…
— Jay Leno
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I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my…
— Shirley Temple
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I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
— Bernard Manning
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Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe…
— Arlo Guthrie
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Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.
— Tom Sims
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Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present
— Publilius Syrus
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The real Santa is... your mom and dad.
— Anthony Barger
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Yesterday I decided it would be funny to cut in to a box of Christmas crackers and take out all the original cracker jokes inside…
— Ryan Swain
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Christmas is a time when you get homesick...even when you're home.
— Unknown Author
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Roses are reddish, Violets are bluish, If it werent for Christmas, Wed all be Jewish.
— Benny Hill
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When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!
— Hussein Nishah
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Dear Santa, I've been good all year.. Okay maybe most of the time...Alright, maybe sometimes.. You know what? Fuck it, I'll get my own present.
— Icy Fresh Ninja
Who Wrote These Christmas Humor Quotes
16 authors contributed a total of 16 Christmas Humor Quotes as follows: