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Best Funny Quotes by Jimmy Durante
More Best Funny Quotes
- I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. — Fred Allen
- A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins… — Robert Frost
- My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. — Jimmy Durante
- There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. — Henry A. Kissinger
- Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. — Groucho Marx
- A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. — Groucho Marx
- Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. — Charles M. Schulz
- A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. — George Bernard Shaw
- I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying. — Oscar Wilde
- The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind -- a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down… — Woody Allen
- Teacher: Get out a sheet of paper Student: LOOK ADT MEH NOW Teacher: Excuse Meh Student: IM GETTIN PAPER — Jakeeza Reed