Half of all home accidents happen in the kitchen, and the family has to eat them. — Sam Ewing Accidents Copy Share Image
On every commercial flight, the traveler is told, "Your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device". The question is, why… — Sam Ewing Boat Copy Share Image
The trouble with giving advice is that others want to return the favor. — Sam Ewing Advice Copy Share Image
Parents who wonder where the younger generation is going should remember where it came from. — Sam Ewing Generations Copy Share Image
A man can please his wife with a box of candy, surprise her with a bouquet of flowers, and make her suspicious… — Sam Ewing Bouquets Copy Share Image
When a husband says, "I run things in my home" he may mean the washing machine, the dishwasher and the vacuum cleaner. — Sam Ewing Cleaners Copy Share Image
Nobody ever asks a father how he manages to combine marriage and a career. — Sam Ewing Asks Copy Share Image
Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about. — Sam Ewing Arguing Copy Share Image
Wouldn't you like to weigh what it says on your driver's license? — Sam Ewing Drivers Copy Share Image
Highways are full of careless drivers who are always too close in front of you. — Sam Ewing Careless Copy Share Image
When you finally go back to your old hometown, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood — Sam Ewing Childhood Copy Share Image
President Herbert Hoover returned his salary to the government. His idea caught on, and now we're all doing it. — Sam Ewing Business Copy Share Image
"Tell me, doctor, " said the patient, "when I stand on my head, the blood rushes to it. Why doesn't it rush… — Sam Ewing Blood Copy Share Image
Computers will never take the place of books. You can't stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shelf. — Sam Ewing Book Copy Share Image
Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done. — Sam Ewing Done Copy Share Image
As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown up, a credit card does it. — Sam Ewing Cards Copy Share Image
Many trees could be saved if the government stopped printing tax forms. — Sam Ewing Form Copy Share Image
Fashions come and fashions go, but pockets are usually the same. There's little change in them. — Sam Ewing Change Copy Share Image
Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork. — Sam Ewing Bikinis Copy Share Image
The average tourist wants to go to places where there are no tourists. — Sam Ewing Average Copy Share Image
A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're… — Sam Ewing Companion Copy Share Image
Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up… — Sam Ewing Work Copy Share Image
If we are what we eat, why aren't we new, improved, fat-free, and light. — Sam Ewing Fats Copy Share Image
If you believe the past can't be changed, you haven't read a celebrity's autobiography. — Sam Ewing Autobiography Copy Share Image
