Richard Armour

(Francis) Bacon's best known writings are his essays. They are loved for many reasons, such as their being so short.

— Richard Armour

If you convinced me And I convinced you, Would there not still be Two points of view?

— Richard Armour

My day-old son is plenty scrawny, his mouth is wide with screams, or yawny; His ears seem larger than he's needing, His…

— Richard Armour

If only I kept my eye on the ball, Looking downward as does the pro there, I might not see where it…

— Richard Armour

They head the list of bad to bet on: But I insist they're worse to get on

— Richard Armour

Some people can carry a tune, but they seem to stagger under the load.

— Richard Armour

Shakespeare, who never could think up a plot by himself, found this one [Macbeth] in Holinshed's Chronicles, changing it just enough so…

— Richard Armour

There is some consolation in the fact that, even though your dreams don't come true, neither do your nightmares.

— Richard Armour

Children are supposed to help hold a marriage together. They do this in a number of ways. For instance, they demand so…

— Richard Armour

G is for Green, that's constructed to roll in every direction away from the hole.

— Richard Armour

The bride, white of hair, is stooped over her cane Her faltering footsteps need guiding. While down the church aisle, with wan…

— Richard Armour

I miss my mattress when I am gone; It's one thing I've made an impression on.

— Richard Armour

[John Foster Dulles] invented Brinkmanship, the most popular game since Monopoly.

— Richard Armour

Each year it grows harder to make ends meet - the ends I refer to are hands and feet.

— Richard Armour

That money talks, I'll not deny, I heard it once: It said, 'Goodbye'.

— Richard Armour

There are very few humorists who have written first-rate humor after they've become elderly.

— Richard Armour

A rumor is one thing that gets thicker instead of thinner as it is spread.

— Richard Armour

Some golfers blast their ball from traps, With one adroit explosion, But others, out in ten perhaps, Depend upon erosion.

— Richard Armour

Although practice swings Can be helpful things, Twere better, indeed, not take any Than to fiddle and fret And before playing get…

— Richard Armour

[Beowolf] is considered an epic because of its long speeches, its digressions, its repetition, and its being required.

— Richard Armour

"Do you want my honest opinion?" People ask. I say, "Yes," for I'm curious. So they give me their honest opinion, And…

— Richard Armour

Good sportsmanship we hail, we sing, It's always pleasant when you spot it. There's only one unhappy thing: You have to lose…

— Richard Armour

Adolescence isn't a period; it's a coma.

— Richard Armour