“Nothing like a good rib tickling read like Fifty Shades of Grey” — Liz Fifty shades Copy Share Image
We have a show tonight. I've never missed a show. Not even the time I had that virus they kept saying only… — LIZ Raccoons Copy Share Image
One of my New Year's resolutions is to say 'yes!' Yes to love, yes to life, yes to staying in more! — LIZ Life Copy Share Image
If reality TV has taught us anything, it's that you can't keep people with no shame down. — LIZ Ifs Copy Share Image
OK, here's a little bedroom tip: Put a bag of popcorn in the microwave beforehand. That way when you're done, you have… — LIZ Bags Copy Share Image
You can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless. — LIZ Can do Copy Share Image
Trust is like a mirror u can break it and put it back together but no matter what u will always see… — Liz Mirror Copy Share Image
Who hasn't made mistakes? I once french kissed a dog at a party to try to impress what turned out to be… — LIZ Animal Copy Share Image
I have many, many voices. I talk to my dogs like in the strangest voices you can imagine. — LIZ Animal Copy Share Image
I grew up around a lot of boys - all my friends on my street were boys, so I was the only… — LIZ Aspect Copy Share Image
I don't need anyone. Because I can do every single thing that a person in a relationship can. Everything. Even zip up… — LIZ Because i can Copy Share Image
Can I share with you my worldview? All of humankind has one thing in common: the sandwich. I believe that all anyone… — LIZ Believe Copy Share Image
Why do you sound surprised? I love America. Just because I think gay dudes should be allowed to adopt kids and we… — LIZ America Copy Share Image
Just need to rave for a moment about the scrubbing cleanser...I have only ever found one (chemical filled) product that REALLY cleans… — LIZ Chemicals Copy Share Image
If you're ordering me an edible arrangement to say thanks, I'd prefer a meat one. — LIZ Arrangements Copy Share Image
I got rid of all my Colin Firth movies in case they consider it erotica. — LIZ Cases Copy Share Image
Trying on jeans is my favorite thing. Maybe later I can get a pap smear from an old male doctor. — LIZ Doctors Copy Share Image
I want to do that thing rich people do where they turn money into more money. — LIZ Money Copy Share Image
There ain't no party like a Liz Lemon party 'cause a Liz Lemon party is mandatory! — LIZ Causes Copy Share Image
Who's got two thumbs, speaks limited French and hasn't cried once today? This moi. — LIZ Cried Copy Share Image
Can't one human being not like another human being? Can't we all just not get along? — LIZ Human Copy Share Image
God, three weddings in one day, I'm going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again. — LIZ Elastic Copy Share Image
I want to roll my eyes right now, but the doctor says that if I keep doing it, my ocular muscles might… — LIZ Doctors Copy Share Image
I don't care. I'll start my own group. Rejection from society is what created X-Men! — LIZ Care Copy Share Image
You didn't realize emotion could be a weapon? Have you not read the poetry of Jewel? — LIZ Emotion Copy Share Image
My mom used to send me articles about how older virgins are considered good luck in Mexico. — LIZ Articles Copy Share Image
In my experience, 'let's think about it' usually ends up as me watching Solid Gold in my basement on prom night. — LIZ Basements Copy Share Image
Now I'm heading home for a nooner, which is what I call having pancakes for lunch. — LIZ Food Copy Share Image
I've been writing for myself since I was a teenager - I got into top-lining for some other artists/producers, but the focus… — LIZ Artist Copy Share Image
