Lenny Bruce Quotes

50 quotes in 722 categories

• If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
• There are never enough I Love You's.
• Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
• The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only…
• The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.
• The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha…
• Communism is like one big phone company.
• In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.
• The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.
• When you're eight years old nothing is your business.
• I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.
• I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be…
• A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you…
• Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
• Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when…
• The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.
• If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.
• I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.
• Satire is tragedy plus time.
• I know what "custody" [of the children] means. "Get even." That's all custody means. Get even with your old lady.

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