Best Jenny Lawson Quotes
- I picked up the phone to call the police, but then I considered how it would sound when I told them that I was calling… Bathroom
- When Hailey was born my first thought was that I needed a drink and that hospitals should have bars in them. Bars
- It's true, I did say I wanted girlfriends," I capitulated hesitantly, "but couldn't we start with something smaller and less terrifying? Like maybe spend a… Accidentally
- When I was in junior high I read a lot of Danielle Steele. So I always assumed that the day I got engaged I'd be… Always Assumed
- No," I replied testily. "I'm pretty sure 'digital' is Latin for 'fingeral,' so finger cancer equals digital cancer. This is all basic anatomy, Dr. Roland."… All
- I try to be appreciative of what I have instead of bitter about what I’ve lost. Appreciative
- A friend is someone who knows where all your bodies are buried. Because they're the ones who helped you put them there." And sometimes, if… All
- Knock-knock, motherfucker. Funny
- Then I yelled through his door, "It's an anniversary gift for you, asshole. Two whole weeks early. FIFTEEN YEARS IS BIG METAL CHICKENS. Anniversary
- Have you ever been homesick for someplace that doesn't actually exist anymore? Someplace that exists only in your mind? Actually Exist
- That night I looked up at those same stars, but I didn't want any of those things. I didn't want Egypt, or France, or far-flung… Any
- One ox, two oxen. One fox, two foxen. Fox
- In short? It is exhausting being me. Pretending to be normal is draining and requires amazing amounts of energy and Xanax. Amazing
- One moment I'm perfectly fine and the next I feel a wave of nausea, then panic. Then I can't catch my breath and I know… All
- ...pretty much everyone hates high school. It's a measure of your humanity, I suspect. If you enjoyed high school, you were probably a psychopath or… Assume