Jay London Quotes

42 quotes in 405 categories

• My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.
• I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights
• It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes
• My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings
• A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked.
• I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.
• They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults.
• I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.
• I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?
• I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm.
• I'm on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness.
• A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock.
• Did you know that today will never be tomorrow.
• After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's…
• I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.
• You might recognize me, I'm the fourth guy from the left on the evolutionary chart,
• I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.
• I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road.
• My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.
• I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back…

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