James Finn Garner

He burst into the house and ate Grandma, an entirely valid course of action for a carnivore such as himself.

— James Finn Garner

The wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for a little girl to walk through these woods alone." Red Riding…

— James Finn Garner

“There was a little girl who had a little curl Right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she…

— James Finn Garner

“Old King Cole was a merrie old soul, A merrie old soul was he. He called for his pipe and called for…

— James Finn Garner

The emperor is naked!" The parade stopped. The emperor paused. A hush fell over the crowd, until one quick-thinking peasant shouted: "No,…

— James Finn Garner

The Emperor is merely endorsing a clothing-optional lifestyle!

— James Finn Garner

Alas, if worth be based on beauty, Snow White has surpassed you, cutie.

— James Finn Garner

“While the archetype of the tinker is generally the whipping person in classical bedtimes stories, this particular individual was a tinker by…

— James Finn Garner

Goldilocks [There] lived a family of bearstogether anthropomorphically in a little cottage as a nuclear family. They were very sorry about this,…

— James Finn Garner

“Red Riding Hood screamed, not out of alarm at the wolf's apparent tendency toward cross-dressing, but because of his willful invasion of…

— James Finn Garner