Jacob M. Appel Quotes

23 quotes in 367 categories

• The only thing more difficult than persuading someone else to start having sex with you is persuading yourself to stop.
• Maybe life involves the pairing of unsuitable people, those who wait and those who keep others waiting, and the key to happiness is finding the…
• Nothing spices up one's sex life like having a partner.
• Life is nasty, brutish, and short. Death is easy.
• This is how most stories end in the hospital. Not with crash carts and sirens and electric shocks to the chest, but with an empty…
• I used to dream of true love; now I'm open to false, but convincing....
• Be optimistic. Always put on clean underwear if you're going on a date.
• Nothing sells tombstones like a Girl Scout in uniform.
• If you give a man a hammer, he thinks he can solve all problems by pounding. Well, God gave men penises....
• I can handle being married for my money; it's being married for my life insurance that gives me pause....
• A century ago, people laughed at the notion that we were descended from monkeys. Today, the individuals most offended by that claim are the monkeys.
• Even a poor tour guide is entitled to some happiness.
• Such is the demographic paradox of a junior physician's relationship with his patients: I worry about how to extend their lives. This anxiety inevitably shortens…
• The most dangerous ideas are not those that challenge the status quo. The most dangerous ideas are those so embedded in the status quo, so…
• Maybe that is the greatest of wonders: that we can be shaped so much by those we've known closely, and equally by those we've never…
• If God wanted teenagers to be abstinent, puberty would begin at twenty.
• Marriage is like a series of opposing reflections, inverse images getting ever smaller like nesting dolls, each one of your trying to squeeze yourself smaller…
• Most people are far more concerned that they can control their own bodies than they are about petitioning Congress.
• Patriotism is being convinced your country is better because you were born in it.
• Never make enemies of anyone younger or healthier than you are. They write your history.

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