The compulsion to do the opposite of what you are told does not lend itself to many occupations outside the entertainment industry.… — Greg Fitzsimmons Career Copy Share Image
Growing up with Bronx Irish parents during an era of protests against the status quo, I was especially committed to doing the… — Greg Fitzsimmons Against Copy Share Image
As a single couple, we are no longer able to hang around with married couples 'cause they cannot be in our presence… — Greg Fitzsimmons Able Copy Share Image
They just tested the tap water in Los Angeles and they found traces of estrogen and antidepressants in the tap water. So… — Greg Fitzsimmons Antidepressants Copy Share Image
It's an amazingly consistent thing with Irish people. We will talk to strangers at parties for hours. It's what we were bred… — Greg Fitzsimmons Consistent Copy Share Image
Driving around with a receding hairline and two kids in a Prius feels a bit boring for me. — Greg Fitzsimmons Around Copy Share Image
I've finally been able to trust and have intimacy with somebody, which I've never been able to do. Like a lot of… — Greg Fitzsimmons Able Copy Share Image
When I work in San Francisco doing stand-up, I usually schedule it for July, and we'll drive up the coast and camp… — Greg Fitzsimmons Barbara Copy Share Image
Since first hearing the story as a child, any mention of the 'Boston Tea Party' has elicited in me an excitement that… — Greg Fitzsimmons America Copy Share Image
I was just in Las Vegas, where prostitution is legal. Which is a relief because I live in Los Angeles, where it… — Greg Fitzsimmons Las vegas Copy Share Image
There's so many ways to do stand up, and I think, for awhile, people weren't really maximizing the freedom of it. We… — Greg Fitzsimmons All kinds Copy Share Image
I called my grandmother yesterday. She picks up the phone, 'Oh hello, dear, hold on a second, I just stepped out of… — Greg Fitzsimmons Clothes Copy Share Image
Ever see a skinny guy on a cold day? You know they tremble like Chihuahuas. Then you see a fat guy in… — Greg Fitzsimmons Boat Copy Share Image
If we don't have souls then who am I talking to when I keep telling myself to be good? — Greg Fitzsimmons Be good Copy Share Image
I'm sure people are shocked when they see a guy speeding and cutting them off and having road rage while in a… — Greg Fitzsimmons Cutting Copy Share Image
I don't like to change things too much. I think pretty hard about things before I jump in, and once I do,… — Greg Fitzsimmons About Copy Share Image
Taking down the Christmas tree makes it feel official: time to get back to joyless and cynical. — Greg Fitzsimmons Christmas Copy Share Image
I realized that every second that I'm alive, the world cares less about me. It's just a very linear, downward progression. And… — Greg Fitzsimmons Alive Copy Share Image
My grandfather is from Ireland. His name is Florence McCarthy. He moved to New York in 1920. They used to beat him… — Greg Fitzsimmons Announcements Copy Share Image
When I was in college, I would go out, and I would go to these open mic nights at Stitches and Nick's… — Greg Fitzsimmons Classes Copy Share Image
Iowa's the worst. Iowa's just nothing, just flat as far as you can see. It's the only state in the country where… — Greg Fitzsimmons Country Copy Share Image
Lieutenant Governor Paterson - blind, black guy - gets sworn in. First thing he says is, 'By the way, cheated on my… — Greg Fitzsimmons Accidents Copy Share Image
The most interesting hipsters are ones who stop being hipsters. — Greg Fitzsimmons Hipster Copy Share Image
I feel life is to be lived. You want to spend your time doing things and being with friends and all that. — Greg Fitzsimmons Being Copy Share Image
That is the thing about being a writer; your subject matter may not stay your subject matter if you break their trust… — Greg Fitzsimmons About Copy Share Image
