Billy Crystal

Nothing can take the sting out of the world’s economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues.

— Billy Crystal

Since I was a kid, every Thanksgiving growing up in New York, we always watched 'The March of the Wooden Soldiers' by…

— Billy Crystal

My mind is always going. I'm always thinking what I need to do, what I haven't done, what I did do, what…

— Billy Crystal

I think I've far exceeded what I ever thought I could possibly do. I'm almost shocked that I'm still around after all…

— Billy Crystal

You have to really respect what your kids are doing with their kids and how they're raising them. You can't push your…

— Billy Crystal

“Women need a reason for having sex, men just need a place”

— Billy Crystal

At some point I stopped stand-up because I didn't have something to say on a nightly basis.

— Billy Crystal

Change is such hard work.

— Billy Crystal

Good news, they found Nemo! The bad news is, they found him in one of Wolfgang Puck's puff pastries.

— Billy Crystal

I always came away thinking "I'd like to see her more," you know? And then when [Parental Guidance] was ready to be…

— Billy Crystal

The Passion of the Christ opened up on Ash Wednesday, had a Good Friday.

— Billy Crystal

If you do something for the first time, you will always remember it. If your Dad has something to do with it,…

— Billy Crystal

I've always thought that the key to a good sex life is variety. That's why God gave me two hands. Humans love…

— Billy Crystal

[I did impressions] of relatives because I heard so many different sounds. My dad was in the music business and of course…

— Billy Crystal

To be good, you need to believe in what you're doing.

— Billy Crystal

Was at Royal Wedding but didn't go inside. Had same hat as Fergie's daughter.

— Billy Crystal

When you realize you want to invest the rest of your lifestyle with somebody, you want the rest of your life to…

— Billy Crystal

No, there is no dead body in the middle of the road. You didn't hit anyone.

— Billy Crystal

From the first time I saw Sid Caesar be funny I knew that's what I had to do.

— Billy Crystal

A laugh is a weird sound, and when you get a couple thousand people making it at once, it's really strange. But…

— Billy Crystal

I never worry that I'll die in my sleep, because I'm never asleep!

— Billy Crystal

Humans love sex, we need sex, it's how we connect, it reminds us we're alive, it's the third most basic human need,…

— Billy Crystal

I had a dream that Connie Chung is doing a newscast about my death and they show a clip from Soap.

— Billy Crystal