Ari Shaffir

I got an award for Most Improved Player for volleyball in tenth grade that I cared about a lot.

— Ari Shaffir

I'm not intentionally dirty. It just kind of happens. It's not like I'm a shock comic who's looking to walk people.

— Ari Shaffir

No one's telling Tarantino what to do. You might like it or you might not like it, but the reality is he's…

— Ari Shaffir

I never had good grades until I dropped out of religion. And then suddenly, my grades went up.

— Ari Shaffir

To me, every time it goes badly I see it as a good thing - because that means I'm one step closer…

— Ari Shaffir

I think you're a comedian as soon as you start. I don't think there's a moment where you become a full comic.

— Ari Shaffir

Being Orthodox Jewish is kind of like being raised on like network sitcoms.

— Ari Shaffir

I love gummy bears, pretzels of all kinds, popcorn, Doritos - those are all healthy snacks.

— Ari Shaffir

I'm a cultural Jew, I was raised with it, so I'm still into it, like gefilte fish with kugel.

— Ari Shaffir

Everyone in L.A. talks about getting an agent or a manager in terms of getting on a sitcom or getting on a…

— Ari Shaffir

It's not like I have campaigns, I don't want to be an activist or anything.

— Ari Shaffir

I genuinely like haggis. Everybody told me I was supposed to hate it, but I really did enjoy it.

— Ari Shaffir

I love doing my podcast, but it's not my art form. I don't have to work on it. It's off the cuff.

— Ari Shaffir

Marc Maron yells at people. I have a memory of him yelling at Jonah Ray from offstage about something he was saying,…

— Ari Shaffir

I've fallen asleep at red lights before. Not like passed out, but like I've put the parking break on and reclined my…

— Ari Shaffir