Amy Schumer Quotes

16 quotes in 273 categories

• I want to quit. Not performing, but being a woman altogether. I want to throw my hands in the air, after reading a mean Twitter…
• My mom made me think I was gorgeous. When I was younger she was like, 'Look at you! You're an angel. You sparkle!' And I…
• I have an excuse, actually, why I've been drinking so much. I haven't said this out loud yet - this is exciting - I'm drinking…
• You know what the worst part about my drinking is? When I'm drunk I slur. You know, like I say racial slurs. Wow, nobody likes…
• I say if I'm beautiful. I say if I'm strong. You will not determine my story - I will.
• I hope that the next time you go to a concert, the band doesn't play the song you wanna hear! And instead, they just play…
• Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I've never woken up and been like, 'What is this Pilates mat doing out?'
• We had to break up, though. We wanted different things - like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear.
• I'll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, 'You guys, I'm keeping this one.'
• Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty.
• I only met Joan Rivers once. But when she passed away, it felt like a part of me went away, too.
• I think of myself as a fairly attractive girl and always have, thanks to my mom. I was brought into this world thinking I was…
• I like to create stuff. I like to express myself through jokes.
• The last couple of roles I missed out on went to Jennifer Hudson, Jessica Biel and Olivia Wilde.
• I tend to eat pretty healthy, though, and I work out - I work out hard.
• My background is in theater. I was a theater major in college.

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