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Life Quote by Alan Wilson Watts

“This state of affairs is known technically as the "double-bind." A person is put in a double-bind by a command or request which contains a concealed contradiction... This is a damned-if-you-do and damned-if-you-don't situation which arises constantly in human (and especially family) relations…” quote by Alan Wilson Watts
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““This state of affairs is known technically as the "double-bind." A person is put in a double-bind by a command or request which contains a concealed contradiction... This is a damned-if-you-do and damned-if-you-don't situation which arises constantly in human (and especially family) relations... The social doublebind game can be phrased in several ways:The first rule of this game is that it is not a game. Everyone must play. You must love us. You must go on living. Be yourself, but play a consistent and acceptable role. Control yourself and be natural. Try to be sincere. Essentially, this game is a demand for spontaneous behavior of certain kinds. Living, loving, being natural or sincere—all these are spontaneous forms of behavior: they happen "of themselves" like digesting food or growing hair. As soon as they are forced they acquire that unnatural, contrived, and phony atmosphere which everyone deplores—weak and scentless like forced flowers and tasteless like forced fruit. Life and love generate effort, but effort will not generate them. Faith—in life, in other people, and in oneself—is the attitude of allowing the spontaneous to be spontaneous, in its own way and in its own time.””

Alan Wilson Watts

About This Quote

Source Lecture: The Double Bind in Human Relations, 1970

Describes how contradictory social expectations force in behavior, undermining authenticity and spontaneity.

In simple terms: Contradictory demands suppress natural behavior.

Key Takeaway

Embrace spontaneity, avoid forced roles.

Themes

authenticity social pressure spontaneity psychology

Mood

reflective analytical

Type

philosophical educational

When to use this quote

  • parenting
  • workplace
  • personal growth
  • therapy sessions

Key Concepts

double bind family dynamics self‑acceptance

Questions to Reflect On

  • What double bind do you experience?
  • How can you act authentically within constraints?
A Different Perspective

Some constraints are necessary for social order.

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