I can only see right in front of me when I'm writing, you know? I never think of it as raw or… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
I made a conscious decision when I was writing that book to depict in real time how I treated it, and how… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
Early in my career as a domme, I both admired and feared becoming one of those career dommes. I saw, in myself,… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
You don't have to write like David Foster Wallace or James Baldwin or Maggie Nelson - indeed, you shouldn't. Those writers are… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
I didn't know enough as a writer to understand why I needed to do this, but I understood in a very gut… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
Me writing the book and the subsequent interactions that we had were actually the cap on that experience. We were still in… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
I have always trusted writers, books, thinkers, psychologists in figuring things out. Maybe because they don't know me, so they are always… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
I always listen to music when I write! I basically make a playlist for every essay; sometimes it's just one song, or… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
I'm always writing to a younger version of myself, or a young woman who is like I was. I want that girl… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
When I was in college I started writing prose, because a very smart professor asked me what I like to read and… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
I couldn't have articulated this process at the time; I just sort of did it instinctually. But now when I talk about… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
A lot of the experiences I write about could be described as grasping for boundaries, trying to find the limits of things. — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
The other reason I didn't want to fictionalize it is because one of the main points of publishing a memoir in nonfiction… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
Being a dominatrix, sticking my foot up people's asses for money, necessitated that I divorce myself from any sort of objective perspective… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
I absolutely think that women told that writing about themselves is somehow not worthy enough for a public audience all the time.… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
I more seriously considered publishing it under a pseudonym than I considered publishing it as fiction. I think the decision to write… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
I think that's the job of the writer, right? Not to introduce new ideas or feelings, but to name the ones we… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
I was in the fantasy. I was selling myself on the fantasy as I was doing it. It never occurred to me.… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
I saved letters from my boss. There are things in there that are directly transcribed. I was so glad I did that.… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
Even though novels were the love of my life, I started off writing poetry. I think because I had a knack for… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
I never think about anything in my brain. I think in very small repetitive circles inside my own brain. That's why I'm… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
“[Women] are conditioned to ever prove ourselves, as if our value is contingent on our ability to meet the expectations of others.… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
I've always looked very closely at people, and seen a lot; that was true even when I was a kid. That's what… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
Letting go of the cozy stories you've been carrying around is devastating. But there's more room for new stuff after you do it. — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
When you conceal inner reality, this pressure builds. You often don't expose yourself until it reaches extremity, a breaking point, and what emerges is… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
I can only see right in front of me when I'm writing, you know? I never think of it as raw or personal or… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
“I have always been afraid to have children. I didn't want to give them the parts of me--the hurtling hunger, the shame--but now I… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
“There are still times when he and I fall into our respective labyrinths. I no longer believe that anyone but ourselves can lead us… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
I think we all are born inside of our parents' narratives. We stay there for a good while. We are taught their narratives about… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
“Maybe that's all bravery is: when your hunger is greater than your fear. I resist the implication that bravery is noble. I must face… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
“I have always enjoyed watching women dress. The appeal isn't sexual. Most girls' first glimpse of private female life is watching their mothers dress… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
“It was the first time anyone had broken up with me. It was a thing I had successfully avoided for thirty-two years.” — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
I can still discern people's weaknesses, but it doesn't make me want to exploit them; it makes me want to hug them. — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
“There is a moment in your 20s when you know what it means to love rightly, but not how to do it, and then… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
“The labyrinth, after all, is Sarah's creation. She calls upon the Goblin King. And this is the biggest difference between my brother's afflictions and… — Melissa Febos Copy Share Image
