Don't Take It Seriously * When the TELEPHONE GUY says, Would you like it On the table or against the wall? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Make sure all open sores on penis have thoroughly dried and scabbed over before use. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Don't Take It Seriously * When the BANKER says, If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Photoshop is just like makeup. When it’s done well it looks great, and when it’s overdone you look like a crazy asshole. — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, SUCCESSFUL, is when a husband can determine when his wife comes to the end of one argument and begins the next; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
CORPORATE You have two cows. You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows, then act surprised when… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Cocks are a lot like ovens. You would rather a woman was operating it but sometimes you have to use it yourself. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
God gave us the miracle of life - sustaining water, & we turned it into Caffeine Free Diet Pepsi & Vodka. Good job, Morons. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, A process much like a cafeteria -- you carefully look over the choices, select what looks the best -- and pay… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Whether I'm writing a novel about a guy mourning the death of his father or whether I'm writing a show about people… — Jonathan Tropper Copy Share Image
Good girls loosen a few buttons when its hot Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons Naughty girls unbutton… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I like Quentin Tarantino, especially the early films, but I'm a big fan of Billy Wilder and Preston Sturges... you know, people… — John Michael McDonagh Copy Share Image
“Shouldn't someone give a pep talk or something?' Minho asked... "Go ahead," Newt replied. Minho nodded and faced the crowd. 'Be careful,'… — James Dashner Copy Share Image
It's not fundamentally different to any other genre, that action is a particular thing. Being able to do action sounds like it… — Adrian Hodges Copy Share Image
Patronizing the Arts is a brilliantly nuanced assessment of why universities must become art patrons. Learning from the twentieth-century university's embrace of… — Peggy Phelan Copy Share Image
I don't know if I'm particularly funny, I mean one of my legs is shorter than the other one, it makes everything… — Robert Pattinson Copy Share Image
How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain What's His Name? We live… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A long memory is the most subversive idea in America. A tautology is a thing which is tautological. A witty saying proves… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Only one comment seemed to perfectly fit her current situation. “I see dead people.” He leaned forward hands on his hips. “Me… — Jennifer Turner Copy Share Image
