I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?" — Buddy Hackett Copy Share Image
Laid-back? My wife said that? Well, I guess I am. It takes a lot to get me riled. — Liam Neeson Copy Share Image
My wife said I look like a Latin American dictator. I said, 'That's what I am' — Oscar de la Renta Copy Share Image
I was making love one night with my wife and she said: 'You're in me.' I know where I am, shut the… — Robert Schimmel Copy Share Image
My first wife said, 'It's either that guitar or me,' you know -- and I give you three guesses which one went. — Jeff Beck Copy Share Image
My wife once said that if men had to worry about who was going to clean up the mess, there'd be a… — Donna Ball Copy Share Image
My wife said to me... you never understood what we were going through back home, did you? And I didn't. And I… — Oliver North Copy Share Image
My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?"… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
“Like I told my last wife, I said, "Honey, I never drive faster than I can see. Besides it's all in the… — Jack Burton Copy Share Image
“Once when I asked you if you still loved your wife, you said, Love leaves the back door open. Later, you said,… — Joan Connor Copy Share Image
My wife said she wanted something that went from 0 to 400 in 2 seconds…I got her a bathroom scale. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Scott was still, his gaze boring into hers. Finally, when he spoke, he said, “You really were an idiot.” “I know.” She… — Kate Perry Copy Share Image
“She paused when he did not speak. "I know what I would do if I were you." Frantically, Tatiana chewed her lip.… — Paulina Simons Copy Share Image
My wife once said that one of her great ambitions was to walk down the streets of Hong Kong with her children.… — Gordon B. Hinckley Copy Share Image
“If I had all the treasure in the world, I would follow my dreams, play with my children, and spend time with… — Atticus Poetry Copy Share Image
I said that if I hadn't been a politician, I'd have liked to be a barrister, or an academic. My beloved wife… — John Bercow Copy Share Image
So my wife said she read this article in a magazine and she said: 'You know, maybe you're suffering from premature ejaculation.'… — Robert Schimmel Copy Share Image
“You’ll always be my Emmy.” “I’m not your anything, Nick.” “You’re my wife.” “A paper certificate does not make me your wife,”… — Devney Perry Copy Share Image
“My wife said to me recently that she hates couples who finish each other's sentences for them. I agreed that it was… — Danny Wallace Copy Share Image
“may i feel, said he i'll squeal, said she just once, said he it's fun, said she may i touch, said he… — E.E. Cummings Copy Share Image
“My wife and I said good-bye the next morning in a little sheltered place among the lumber on the wharf; she was… — Elizabeth Stuart Phelps Copy Share Image
When I was at Valencia my wife said that we would win the league. She was right and to mark the occasion… — Rafael Benitez Copy Share Image
“What is to become of us? How are we to feed our poor children, when we no longer have anything even for… — Jacob Grimm Copy Share Image
“In the same vein, Rupert knew that he'd found his own ideal match,too. He just couldn't imagine how he was going to… — Johanna Lindsey Copy Share Image
“You'll be my wife," he said inexorably. "You want to own me!" she accused, trying to crawl away from him. "Yes." He… — Lisa Kleypas Copy Share Image
“If I was going to be a woman, I would want to be as beautiful as possible. And they said to me,… — Dustin Hoffman Copy Share Image
My wife said, 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said, 'Why?' And she said, 'Well, she's been up… — Bob Monkhouse Copy Share Image
“that Victoria’s wife has said that she will phone the police if Victoria ever so much as even mentions this topic again.” — Jennifer Finney Boylan Copy Share Image
“ I don't know what I want. And, if that's the case, as my ex-wife said, I'd only hurt people.” — Haruki Murakami Copy Share Image
My wife said to me 'I hope you win... but if you do and you go up and say you love me,… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
“My wife Once said ''If You ever go bald, then I am gonna leave you'' And she never lied.” — Dinkar Kalotra Copy Share Image
Alexander Graham Bell's wife, who said to Alex on their wedding night, Your three minutes are up. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
“Hello, future wife,” he said, his voice bubbling with glee. “I can’t wait to get started on the rest of our lives!” — Sandhya Menon Copy Share Image
“He reached out and grazed my face with the back of his hand. “You are the perfect wife,” he said. “I’ll never… — Emma Nichols Copy Share Image
My wife said to me: 'If you won the lottery, would you still love me?' I said: 'Of course I would. I'd… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
“When my now ex wife said she wanted a separation, I was horrified. So I said, “You want me to wear a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
