Wilde is an invaluable acquaintance. Often, in situations where I am required to appear witty, I simply steal large chunks from his works and attempt to pass them off as my own with minor modifications. — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
How many stories do you know about people cooped up in places because of deep snowfall? How many stories where something good happens to those people? — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
Standup comedy was my weird hobby. I would drag my poor parents out to the only open mics that were in coffee shops instead… — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
You can be brilliant in some ways and despicable in others. You can be a clean, upright, moral individual in your private life who… — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
Success is like food caught in your teeth: much more noticeable when it happens to other people. If it happens to you, other people… — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
I majored in extracurriculars, honestly. I joined the Harvard Stand Up Comedy Society, which is a ragtag band of misfits. I wrote for 'On… — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
Dull words are what make many bright sentences shine. They do not call attention to themselves. — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
Bills ought to be passed with deliberation by committees. Change should be achieved in a bipartisan manner. Incrementally, day by day, we should reach… — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
Although no one explicitly wants a president who could have a reliable fall back career in stand-up comedy, everyone shudders at the thought of… — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
George Washington didn't have to make us laugh; he just had to establish precedents and avoid chopping down more cherry trees than he could… — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
At Harvard, people like to impart the idea that you are a mover and shaker. — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
It's easier to find the joke in something when you think, 'This - this is ridiculous.' — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
