My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it's always, who's responsible for this? — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Of course, everyone wants to be healthy. The amusing thing is no one's really sure how to do it. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Men like a ref decision because they just want to get back to the game. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I love energy. I love it. And I pursue it, and I want more of it. Physical and mental energy, to me,… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I wish I was a phone machine. I wish if I saw somebody on the street I didn't want to talk to… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Why does McDonald's have to count every burger that they sell? What is their ultimate goal? Do they want cows to surrender… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
For people on my side of the cubicle, the goal is always creativity. Spending your time overcoming corporate resistance to creativity -… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I have a problem with the strip that runs along the bottom of the news programs. Don't these idiots who run the… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Why would you want to work for a living if you could just joke around? Being a celebrity expands your commercial possibilities. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
People don't think of their office as a workplace anymore. They think of it as a stationary store with Danish. You want… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Dogs want to be people. That's what their lives are about. They don't like being a dog. They're with people all the… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I think the answer is we all need a little help, and the coffee's a little help with everything — social, energy,… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I don't want to be too critical of what other people do, but when people go back to do the same thing… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
You want to do good things, and once you've done a couple of good things in a row, you think 'Well gee,… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Cremation has become the most popular form of burial in the United States... People used to want a big, thick granite stone,… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
One day I was watching these construction workers go back to work. I was watching them kind of trudging down the street.… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Kids don't say, "Wait." They say, "Wait up, hey wait up!" Because when you're little, your life is up. The future is… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I'm a big believer than a great bit is a great bit - if I go and see someone I love, like… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Why is commitment such a big problem for a man? I think that for some reason when a man is driving down… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Women go after doctors like men go after models. They want someone with knowledge of the body. We just want the body. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I do a little thing about the way people shake the sweetener packet. You know, like they're all excited. I want to… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
This is one of my big things of creative pursuits. You have your idea you want to do, but then you got… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I know there are kids out there, I want to make sure they all know that driving without braking is not something… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
We’re all trying to get to the same island, whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive in, it doesn’t matter. What matters is when… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
We're all trying to get to the same island — whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive, it doesn't matter. What matters is when… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need.… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
I went up to the camp and Paul had me eat my first oyster I had never had an oyster in my life. And… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
Then, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the rubber band… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
This is really a crazy idea, you know. It probably won't work, but that will be interesting, too. You have to motivate yourself with… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
If you get something right, you really feel it, right in your chest, on stage. I think it's an incomparable experience. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
There are many things you can point to as proof that the human is not smart. But my personal favorite would have to be… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
You know what I never get with the limo? The tinted windows. Is that so people don't see you? Yeah, what a better way… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
