People Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

People don't just bump into each other and have sex. This isn't Cinemax.

— Jerry Seinfeld

Elaine: Ugh, I hate people. Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst.

— Jerry Seinfeld

When you interrupt, you've stopped listening. People need to be heard.

— Jerry Seinfeld

I'm in the unfortunate position of having to consider other people's feelings

— Jerry Seinfeld

People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them.

— Jerry Seinfeld

I wonder is illiterate people know the full meaning of alphabet soup?

— Jerry Seinfeld

People on dates shouldn't even be allowed out in public.

— Jerry Seinfeld

I love meeting Israeli people. They look at me like a son

— Jerry Seinfeld

I've compiled a book from the Internet. It's a book of quotations attributed to the wrong people.

— Jerry Seinfeld

I'll tell you one thing, since I'm married, single people look absolutely ridiculous to me.

— Jerry Seinfeld

Everybody lies about sex. People lie during sex. If it weren't for lies, there'd be no sex.

— Jerry Seinfeld

[I like to] engage with funny people, or weird people, or, you know, kind of off people. [Whereas when I meet] anybody…

— Jerry Seinfeld

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk…

— Jerry Seinfeld

See, the thing of it is, there's a lot of ugly people out there walking around but they don't know they're ugly…

— Jerry Seinfeld

Forty is when you actually begin even deserving to be on stage telling people what you think.

— Jerry Seinfeld

I do a little thing about the way people shake the sweetener packet. You know, like they're all excited. I want to…

— Jerry Seinfeld

Dogs want to be people. That's what their lives are about. They don't like being a dog. They're with people all the…

— Jerry Seinfeld

I am a very organized person. I get up at 6:15 a.m., the kids get up at 6:45 a.m., and so I…

— Jerry Seinfeld

I don't want to be too critical of what other people do, but when people go back to do the same thing…

— Jerry Seinfeld

There is no such thing as an attention span. There is only the quality of what you are viewing. This whole idea…

— Jerry Seinfeld

People don't think of their office as a workplace anymore. They think of it as a stationary store with Danish. You want…

— Jerry Seinfeld

I love advertising because I love lying. I think spending your life trying to dupe innocent people out of hard-won earnings to…

— Jerry Seinfeld

There are very few people who really appreciate my shows. People come to the show and they pay and they enjoy it,…

— Jerry Seinfeld

Cremation has become the most popular form of burial in the United States... People used to want a big, thick granite stone,…

— Jerry Seinfeld

The luge is the only Olympic event where you could have people competing in it against their will, and it would look…

— Jerry Seinfeld

You know what I never get with the limo? The tinted windows. Is that so people don't see you? Yeah, what a…

— Jerry Seinfeld

We know the product is going to stink. We know that because we live in the world, and we know that everything…

— Jerry Seinfeld

Some of the events in the Olympics don't make sense to me. I don't understand the connection to any reality... Like in…

— Jerry Seinfeld

All I ever wanted to do is make people laugh.

— Jerry Seinfeld

Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later; it's a relic,

— Jerry Seinfeld

If people would only *Look to the Cookie* - all our problems would be solved

— Jerry Seinfeld

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.

— Jerry Seinfeld

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

— Jerry Seinfeld

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

— Jerry Seinfeld

Twitter is good. Why say a lot to a few people when you can say virtually nothing to everyone?

— Jerry Seinfeld

For people on my side of the cubicle, the goal is always creativity. Spending your time overcoming corporate resistance to creativity -…

— Jerry Seinfeld

I've done a number of Super Bowl ads. And that is the best advertising of the year. That is when people realize…

— Jerry Seinfeld

What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it…

— Jerry Seinfeld

There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.

— Jerry Seinfeld

There are more social skills required to talk one-on-one [than to an audience]. You don't have to be socially fluid to talk…

— Jerry Seinfeld