Waiter Quotes

God finally caught his eye.

— George S. Kaufman

I was a pretty damn good waiter.

— Antoni Porowski

I was a terrible waiter.

— Billy Eichner

There is an army of waiters in this world.

— Henry Ward Beecher

I'll serve anyone like a blind waiter.

— Lil Wayne

If you's a hater. I'm eatin, you's a waiter

— Lil Wayne

A good setter is like a waiter.

— Julio Velasco

Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?

— George Carlin

“I serve the people. Am I a politician? No, I’m just a greedy and corrupt waiter.”

— Jarod Kintz

“a flesh-and-blood waiter and therefore as rare in San Francisco as a flying horse,”

— Christie Golden

Why can't teachers end up owning schools, the way waiters can open their own restaurants?

— Peter Brimelow

“Your dressed as a waiter and I am dressed as a doctor so we are just as we live.”

— Tim Wayne

That hilarious moment when someone tips the waiter with THIS!! Thanks!!!

— Anonymous

...Hardly. A ragged apron does not a waiter make.

— Eoin Colfer

If you wait for the waiter in the restaurant, Aren't you a waiter?

— Michael Angelo De Leon

I would say a full-time waiter in a high-price house could easily make $75,000, $80,000 a year.

— Tom Douglas

The really good thing about my career is that I never went through a phase where I played characters who had names…

— Rob Lowe

Could I have a Sloe Gin Fizz, without the gin?" "What's the point of that, Miss?" the waiter said. "Tomorrow morning," Mabel…

— Libba Bray

I own the restaurant. There are a lot of cooks, waiters and waitresses in this restaurant. They worry about their problems. I…

— Mack Brown

“If an actor’s neither talented nor handsome, what difference is there between him and any other waiter? That reminds me, my drink…

— Jarod Kintz

Talk is a pure art. Its only limits are the patience of listeners who, when they get tired, can always pay for…

— John Dos Passos

I'm almost 40, so it's an awkward time in my career. You kind of hope it comes through and, if not, I'll…

— Matthew Lillard

New York waiters, probably the surliest in the Western world . . . are better images of their city than that journalistic…

— Alan Brien

Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!

— Henny Youngman

The waiter approached. 'Would you like to see the menu?' he said. 'Or would you like to meet the Dish of the…

— Douglas Adams

“the waiter came, bringing the second course, pollo con ajillo, chicken with garlic. they would both stink frightfully when they were through,…

— Michael Crichton

Famous people are deceptive. Deep down, they're just regular people. Like Larry King. We've been friends for forty years. He's one of…

— Don Rickles

My indifference to money and my spendthrift ways are disgraceful. You have no idea how reckless I am; how often I practically…

— Robert Schumann

I must be cheaper now than I was ten years ago in order to get a laugh. It's not funny now if…

— Jack Benny

You noodle around with tempo and sound until you get the perfect fit for that particular song, and then, so long as…

— Wilfrid Sheed

Fortunately, I never had to do the waiter thing. When I got out of college, I immediately started to teach acting. One…

— Bill Nunn

I like L.A. It's like a mini break. For a writer, it's hilarious. Like the food. Where I come from, we eat…

— Helen Fielding

“is there any I could get a glass of water?" [waiter]There is no way... I toss and turn many a night trying…

— Brian Regan

Our favourite item was the balcony that overlooked the sea because it had an awning that you lowered by pressing an electric…

— Douglas Adams

It is not strange that some of our revoltes preach trial marriage: for the only safe way to marry them at all…

— Katharine Fullerton Gerould

I was specifically referring to the regular everyday people that you come across on your come up. You never know if that…

— Charlamagne Tha God

“Every time the waiter with the cheese platter comes by I take two or three cracker loads at a time. I give…

— Hannah Tunnicliffe

“There isn't a person in this world who within a minute of your being with them, won't do or say something for…

— Stephen Arterburn

When somebody is a little bit wrong - say, when a waited puts nonfat milk in your espresso macchiato, instead of lowfat…

— Anonymous

“One moment—” I answered. “This table is taken. I’m waiting for someone.” “Not allowed, sir,” said the waiter. “No seats can be…

— Erich Maria Remarque