A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. "Oh dear," she says, "Not the breathalyser again." — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: "It takes four hours."… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine? — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I come from a family of musicians. Even the sewing machine is a Singer. — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
The council in Blackpool have given the homeless bus passes, but how would they know where to get off? — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
A girl asks her doctor, "Doctor, I've forgotten to take my contradictory pill!" The doctor says: "Are you ignorant?" The girl says: "Yes, three… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I'm staying in a lovely hotel, dressing robe behind the door, lovely fluffy sheets - took me a half an hour getting my suitcase… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I'm really worried about my girlfriend's morals ... she has NEXT written on her knickers. — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: "Sorry, you've only got three minutes to live." The man said: "Can… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror." — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man. — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
