“I was sleeping like a baby - waking up every three hours screaming and crapping my pants.” — John Swartzwelder Copy Share Image
I made a circular motion with my finger around my temple to indicate I thought this guy was crazy, forgetting that there was no… — John Swartzwelder Copy Share Image
“This guy was making me tired. “Thanks for the afternoon’s entertainment,” I said. “I’ll flush a copy of my bill down the toilet. You… — John Swartzwelder Copy Share Image
“Everybody loves a good car chase. There’s something in it for everyone: plenty of high-speed action, lots of crashes and explosions, romance possibly, and… — John Swartzwelder Copy Share Image
They can kill the Kennedys. Why can't they make a cup of coffee that tastes good? — John Swartzwelder Copy Share Image
“The next day, a dead turtle was left on my doorstep as a warning. I couldn’t figure out as a warning for what, and… — John Swartzwelder Copy Share Image
I’ll flush a copy of my bill down the toilet. You should be getting it in a couple of days. — John Swartzwelder Copy Share Image
“He told me the crooks used this place for more than just a dumping ground for undesirables. He said they also had a lot… — John Swartzwelder Copy Share Image
I try to maintain a positive attitude at all times, because clients notice little things like that, and if you're frowning and crying all… — John Swartzwelder Copy Share Image
I'm 190 pounds of rock hard muscle, underneath 40 pounds of sturdy protective fat. — John Swartzwelder Copy Share Image
If you can take advantage of a situation in some way, it's your duty as an American to do it. — John Swartzwelder Copy Share Image
