Don't ever rope me in as a late-night talk show host. I don't want to be one. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Look, there is nothing you can say about this show that I don't already know — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
They say give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. But teach a man to fish and he'll get… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I do a public access show with puppets. Puppets called actors, TV and movie stars. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
That's why Credit card companies are evil. Are they sponsoring the show tonight? ... They are Evil. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I said that the only way I could have a band that would work in the format of my show is if… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Every year law schools churn out thousands of lawyers. We don't need any more lawyers. We need more lawyers like we need… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I do a show. It comes on late at night on TV. And if that means I'm a late-night talk show host,… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Cannabis always made me paranoid; I felt like people were watching me. And now I'm sober, and I've got this talk show… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I just do my thing and try each show to be more honest about why I am and who I am. It's… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
If you watch cooking shows on cable, they have lots of British people. Because when you think good cooking, you immediately think… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I salute Rick Perry for the way he's trying to overcome this. Today he came out and said he's not one of… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
There's going to be a new cable-TV channel for dogs. Dogs don't even watch TV. But the schedule came out today. And… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Ratings experts say the best way to get people to watch during sweeps is to leave the audience with a question that… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I used to psych myself up before the show and now I do the complete opposite: I psych myself down. It's 12:30… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I don't see my show as a stepping stone to something else like some people, who get a job then have a… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Last night on the show I had Olympics fever. Unfortunately, it's getting worse. That's not good. I have to call my doctor… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
If we are now holding late-night talk-show hosts to the same moral accountability as we hold politicians or clergymen, I'm out. I'm… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
“I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again.” — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
Sober alkies are often asked: "When did you hit rock bottom?" but a more informed question might be: "How many times did you hit… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van? — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: I give you… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
The first ads for medical marijuana have started airing on television in California. The ads are quite expensive. It costs a lot of money… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
