I said that the only way I could have a band that would work in the format of my show is if… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
If a man doesn't know how to dance he doesn't know how to make love, there I said it! — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
President Obama said that we rely too much on gadgets. He gave a passionate speech about technology, but he had to stop… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Stoners just got a powerful new ally in the fight to legalize marijuana - conservative broadcaster Pat Robertson. He said it's time… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I salute Rick Perry for the way he's trying to overcome this. Today he came out and said he's not one of… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sarah Palin is speaking out about the oil spill. She said, I'm not kidding, we should ask the Dutch for help with… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I can't wait to see the debate between Ryan and Joe Biden. Biden is said to be already trying out different strategies.… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
BP CEO Tony Hayward said recently, 'No one wants this thing over more than I do. I'd like my life back.' Tony,… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
When I went out on tour as Bing Hitler I would hook up with Lenny and we'd get drunk together. He was… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Delaware Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell said recently that Hollywood needs to re-evaluate what they're doing because movies these days are all filled… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
...slow down and self-edit and ask yourself the three things you must always ask yourself before you say anything: "Does this need… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I always wanted to make motion pictures, ever since I was a wee boy, and I was 32, and time was marching… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I watched the Republican debate. At one point, the candidates said there are no classes in America, a point then hotly debated… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Andy Warhol said that in the future everyone will be famous for 15 minutes. Facebook is exactly like that except you're not… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Today Prince William went to Washington, D.C., and he met with President Obama. He said, 'It feels weird being in the White… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I remember talking to someone early on after I was sober about how I suddenly felt awkward at parties. They said, 'Well,… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Justin Bieber's tour bus was stopped by Canadian border patrol agents. And they found marijuana. The agents said Bieber was a disgrace… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I'm crazy. I know I'm crazy 'cause Desmond Tutu told me, and he's very clever. He said, 'You must free yourself, be… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
“I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again.” — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
Sober alkies are often asked: "When did you hit rock bottom?" but a more informed question might be: "How many times did you hit… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van? — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: I give you… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
The first ads for medical marijuana have started airing on television in California. The ads are quite expensive. It costs a lot of money… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share
