I was out at the HBO party, these are liberals, I imagine, and a lot of people came up to me and… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Donald Rumsfeld also lost his gig last week. When asked what his future plans are, Rumsfeld said, 'What's a plan?' — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The President said that Gold told him to invade Iraq. You see that's what happens when you mix New Testament and Old… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Wichita Falls, Texas is considering using toilet water for drinking. And a dog there today said, 'White people's problems.' — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
There was one awkward moment where a black man stood-up to ask a question and out of habit, Bush said 'Clemency denied.' — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
London. Another terrorist attack and ISIS claimed credit. I am surprised because I thought we had wiped out ISIS on day one… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
My policy is I am always more than happy to say, "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings." What I am not… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Arnold Schwarzenegger has come out against gay marriage. He said marriage is a sacred union between a groupie and any number of… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
There's a new iPad out...People are going nuts for this thing...And, today, Mitt Romney said, 'It's a flat piece of white plastic.… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence briefings to George Bush. I don't know… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I'd like to protect children, too, but... is everything worth sacrificing to that? I mean, drugs have done a lot of good...… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Herman Cain answered the Wall Street protesters, and he had a message for these protesters. He said, 'If you don't have a… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
In New York, Catholic groups have forced an art gallery to shut down an exhibition of a six-foot image of Jesus in… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Ted Cruz, of course, was furious that the big storm back east shut down the government. He said, 'That my job!' But… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, 'Please, I used to pull the same trick.… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
John Kerry made a joke about Bush being a moron, and now Bush wants morons to think it was a joke was… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Reverend Ted Haggard's followers still think he's not gay. I'm not kidding. In their world, there are no gay people. There are… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
People, especially the liberals, just live in this world where if anything is said that offends anybody even a little bit, not… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Sarah Palin has already had an effect on foreign relations... The new president of Pakistan, Ali Zardari, is in hot water, because… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The other financial genius, John McCain, said the fundamentals of our economy are strong, and then yesterday he wanted to fire the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A Republican Congressman, Rep. Chris Lee, was caught flirting with a woman trolling for dates on Craigslist and sent her a shirtless… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Even somebody like Bill Clinton, who I happen to admire very much, the second he was out of office, I remember, he… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I want to just take a moment to thank the Teabaggers. Thank you so much for helping us pass health care, for… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
This is a ridiculous heat wave we're in right now, and to contribute, Newt Gingrich said that for the entire month of… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
My father said, Bring along your best girl. This is something you say to a pimp! — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The Republicans released their 'Pledge to America.' It's 21 pages of phony charts and bad ideas. Sarah Palin got a copy, and… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Mitt Romney we think is going run again. He says he has no plans to run, but he said if he did… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Mitt Romney, who is on record saying that he would not waste money going after bin Laden, and on record saying he… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Down in Texas, Rick Perry announced he will not run for reelection. He said 'I executed one last woman, that fertilizer plant… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Sam Harris made that great analogy. He said, 'If someone was talking into their hair dryer and claiming that they were speaking… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Rick Santorum said this week that his 12-year-old could out-reason me about God. Look, I am not about to debate a home-schooled… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
African American Congressman Bobby Rush wore a hoodie on the floor of Congress to make a point this week. And they threw… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I said something recently about how the president [Barak Obama] should stop trying to placate the crazies and the right wing and… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A new biography came out that says that in high school Obama was a huge pothead … Mitt Romney had to respond… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
And he said that 47%-that's pretty high-47% of Americans are basically welfare bums who are mooching off the government. And then he… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I'm guessing our soldiers are happy to be leaving Iraq. It is no fun being in a country where there's crumbling infrastructure… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The House okayed the gasoline tax cut, which will increase the deficit, line the pockets of the oil companies, and hurt the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I said I didn't respect religion... and anyone who believes in fairy tales to answer questions that we can't answer... So I… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Sarah Palin has strong opinions on the Libyans. She said, 'Marriage is between a man and a woman and Libyans like Rachel… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid. — Bill Maher Copy Share
I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad's room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share
To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't… — Bill Maher Copy Share
You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking,… — Bill Maher Copy Share
New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share
“New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures… — Bill Maher Copy Share
I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is… — Bill Maher Copy Share
“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives… — Bill Maher Copy Share
So many kids are fat drug addicts these days, it's almost as if Rush Limbaugh had puppies. — Bill Maher Copy Share
What we don't know is about Jeb Bush and cocaine. But we do know that he did once had his brother Florida on a… — Bill Maher Copy Share
“I find that the world is changing much, much faster than I can even bitch about it.” — Bill Maher Copy Share
![“I said something recently about how the president [Barak Obama] should stop trying to placate the crazies and the right wing and the Republicans and stand up for the 70 percent of Americans who are not insane and stand up for the people who actually voted for you. That hit a real nerve.” quote by Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/22c/bill-maher-211_barak-obama_i-said-something-recently-about-how-the_400241.png)
