I used to arm wrestle my roommate in college. Based on that, I'm in pretty good shape. — Dasha Zhukova Copy Share Image
“Shooting him a glare that says "mess with my roommate any more and I'll stab you with a spork” — Stacey Mosteller Copy Share Image
Me and my roommate wrote and directed a little short comedy called 'The Elevator. — Heather Morris Copy Share Image
I'm a typical college girl; I love to shop and gossip with my roommates about boys and whatnot. — Alicia Sacramone Copy Share Image
I hope you get a college roommate as uninterested in human interaction as you are. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Your trash can is full of energy bar wrappers." "You were looking through my trash? — Rainbow Rowell Copy Share Image
“You’re getting a new roommate. Now be nice. I’ve heard stories about you.” She wagged a finger at him. Ben” — Annabeth Albert Copy Share Image
While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was.… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“The qualities we appreciate in a character are not the same as those we would look for in a college roommate.” — Margaret Atwood Copy Share Image
“There's no danger of me forgetting, but if you think the threat of a seven-foot-tall bear of a roommate is my only… — Skye Callahan Copy Share Image
Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I have a roommate, and I signed a year lease. I screwed up! That's like I wrote a joke that didn't work,… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I like cinnamon rolls, but I don't always have time to make a pan. That's why I wish they would sell cinnamon… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“Will you live over there?" Phury asked. "Live over where?" Butch cut in. "You mean you won't be able to fight with… — J.R. Ward Copy Share Image
Last year I picked up the New York Times and there was a story about a kid from Dartmouth who was bragging… — Studs Terkel Copy Share Image
POSSIBLE OPENERS AFTER YOU'VE GOTTEN DRUNK AND SLEPT IN YOUR GUY ROOMMATE'S BED (A LIST):1. Hey, Drew, thanks for letting me sleep… — Lauren Barnholdt Copy Share Image
After about a month of living on my own, I began to feel it. I bought some plants. I remember I named… — Kristy Swanson Copy Share Image
Imagine if James Brown was your roommate. What? Do you know how much fun you'd be having all the time? Oh my… — Kyle Copy Share Image
My wife and I met when each of us was dragged to a party we didn't want to go to by friends.… — Michael Chiklis Copy Share Image
You're sure your new roommate won't be like the last one who wore tinfoil socks and had a tendency to occasionally urinate… — Patrick Rothfuss Copy Share Image
I have always felt comedy and tragedy are roommates. If you look up comedy and tragedy, you will find a very old… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
I was interested in the question of the power of religious organizations to effect public policy in a negative way. When I… — Barry W. Lynn Copy Share Image
And then there were the wallflowers who had recognized for years that the thing was hopeless, who had found in that information… — Renata Adler Copy Share Image
“Babies are the worst roommates. They’re unemployed. They don’t pay rent. They keep insane hours. Their hygiene is horrible. If you had… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
One of the things that adds tension to our lives is small frustrations. Losing car keys can give you a panic attack.… — Jennifer James Copy Share Image
“It was great not having a roommate. I didn’t have to turn the lights off and go to bed, like, ever. I… — Cat Marnell Copy Share Image
My one-time roommate Claire had inherited the house from her uncle, and when she went off to bigger and better things, she’d… — Karen Chance Copy Share Image
I produced a play in New York that got nominated for an Outer Critics Circle Award for Best American Play.The play is… — Adam Richman Copy Share Image
“You have a roommate." "Yeah." He sounds confused. "The, um, picture on your door surprised me." "NO. No. I prefer my women… — Stephanie Perkins Copy Share Image
