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Redneck Quotes by Jeff Foxworthy

183 Redneck quotes by Jeff Foxworthy

All Redneck quotes Jeff Foxworthy’s page

A picture of Johnny Cash over a fireplace is one of the funny signs Jeff Foxworthy lists for a redneck lifestyle. Other examples include a basketball game rained out, a cruise that ends at a fast‑food queen, and a post office trip that needs a full tank of gas.

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If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck.

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You might be a redneck if you grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.

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You might be a redneck if your vehicle has a two-tone paint job - primer red and primer gray.

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You might be a redneck if The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

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You might be a redneck if your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.

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You might be a redneck if your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.

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If you have more fish on your wall than pictures, you might be a redneck.

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You might be a redneck if your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.

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You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

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You might be a redneck if your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

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You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.

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If you think the last four words to the national anthem are " gentleman, start your engines", You might be a redneck.

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You might be a redneck if an expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.

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You might be a redneck if...Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.

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You might be a redneck if you need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House…

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If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a…

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I always wore cowboy boots and drove a truck, and talked like this. So everywhere I would go in comedy people would…

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You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol…

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Country music is about new love and it's about old love. It's about gettin' drunk and gettin' sober. It's about leavin' and…

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You might be a redneck if you give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.

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You might be a redneck if...you think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.

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You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink.

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You might be a redneck if you can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

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You might be a redneck if you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said concentrate.

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You might be a redneck if... your high school basketball game got rained out.

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You might be a redneck if the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.

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You might be a redneck if your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.

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You might be a redneck if during your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.

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You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

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You might be a redneck if your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.

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You might be a redneck if you own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.

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You might be a redneck if every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard.

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You might be a redneck if you have every episode of Hee Haw on tape.

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You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

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You might be a redneck if your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.

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You might be a redneck if you consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.

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You might be a redneck if your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.

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You might be a redneck if you think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just misunderstood.

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You might be a redneck if your parakeet knows the phrase Open up, Police!

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You might be a redneck if you look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet 'Ms. Right

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More by Jeff Foxworthy

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.

I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together.

You might be a redneck if you have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.

You might be a redneck if... your high school basketball game got rained out.

We sing about God because we believe in Him. We are not trying to offend anybody, but the evidence that we have seen of…

You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.

Hell, when I was in high school, a "drive-by shooting" meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!

We probably stagnate our children's emotional growth by not letting them have some separation from us.

You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.

Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks.

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

Women in bed are like Diesel engines. What I mean by that is, it may take them a while to get going, but when…

You might be a redneck if getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.

You might be a redneck if your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip…