“A 5’5”, 182-pound, 43-year-old man wearing khaki shorts and a UCLA sweatshirt runs to Nicolas Cage in a manner he will spend the rest of the night describing to his slightly bored but equally boring date as “ambushing.” No one… — Megan Boyle Copy Share Image
“For about four years, I’ve been telling people I hate sour cream. One time I sent back nachos because they had sour cream on… — Megan Boyle Copy Share Image
“when i think 'dave eggers' in my head it's in the same tone of voice jerry seinfeld uses to say 'hello newman' at work… — Megan Boyle Copy Share Image
Something was comforting about strangers—it seemed like they would exist forever as the same, unknowable mass. — Megan Boyle Copy Share Image
Feel completely unable to do anything. Try to picture your life in five years. It really seems like you will be dead. — Megan Boyle Copy Share Image
“argued for an hour on the telephone. now looking at pictures of carbs” — Megan Boyle Copy Share Image
I could never be a sports writer, unless my assignment was to write 'sports sports sports sports sports' for three pages. — Megan Boyle Copy Share Image
“i want to go to the gym and pretend the weight machines are drums and play the longest drum solo on them” — Megan Boyle Copy Share Image
“Anne has small superstitions which she uses to dispel anxieties. For instance, if she can make it to the fourth stain on the carpet… — Megan Boyle Copy Share Image
“I want to delete everything from someone's computer except a giant Microsoft paint picture of a dick that takes forever to load” — Megan Boyle Copy Share Image
I want to pull very long, multi-colored strings out of my brain and place them next to a bowl of Doritos at a party — Megan Boyle Copy Share Image
“i am still unsure of what 'life to the fullest' for me would be, mostly i just try to be well-liked in social situations… — Megan Boyle Copy Share Image
“sometimes my laugh in front of others becomes unnaturally loud, like something in my brain tripped over a volume cord” — Megan Boyle Copy Share Image
