When I first started doing stand-up, I would be so nervous that I would just binge drink really heavily right before my sets, and as you can imagine, that had its drawbacks. But now I'm a professional, so I pace… — Bonnie McFarlane Copy Share Image
Just a tip if you have a big event to go to or an important meeting, if you cry enough your face swells up… — Bonnie McFarlane Copy Share Image
I don't think cops should wear mirrored sunglasses; the whole time the guy was chewing me out, all I could think was I should… — Bonnie McFarlane Copy Share Image
When you're pregnant, people feel like they can come up and give you unsolicited advice. When I was nine months pregnant, this one woman… — Bonnie McFarlane Copy Share Image
One of my favorite sketches, and a popular comedy formula, is to put someone with a mental handicap in some kind of unlikely situation.… — Bonnie McFarlane Copy Share Image
If you enjoy shaming people, I suggest dentistry as a profession. — Bonnie McFarlane Copy Share Image
You know, women are burdened with all this other crap all the time, like looking good. You need to be really superhuman to be… — Bonnie McFarlane Copy Share Image
There's no such thing as a feminist - just women who pay for their own breast implants. — Bonnie McFarlane Copy Share Image
If you really are superior, you don't go around saying you're superior - unless you're Jewish. — Bonnie McFarlane Copy Share Image
I think it's creepy if a guy says, I would never hit a girl. Cause that should go without saying. That's like if you… — Bonnie McFarlane Copy Share Image
I love my hunting dog. I loved my hunting dog - I'm not very good at hunting. — Bonnie McFarlane Copy Share Image
Intellectually, I think everyone really knows that women are funny, but it's a weird thing that people keep trotting out. — Bonnie McFarlane Copy Share Image
