Any promising young white man rich enough to theoretically afford a giant oil painting of himself gets to remain young and innocent forever, and none of his actions have any consequences, whether there is magic involved or not. — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
Standup comedy was my weird hobby. I would drag my poor parents out to the only open mics that were in coffee shops instead… — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
You can be brilliant in some ways and despicable in others. You can be a clean, upright, moral individual in your private life who… — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
Success is like food caught in your teeth: much more noticeable when it happens to other people. If it happens to you, other people… — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
I majored in extracurriculars, honestly. I joined the Harvard Stand Up Comedy Society, which is a ragtag band of misfits. I wrote for 'On… — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
Dull words are what make many bright sentences shine. They do not call attention to themselves. — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
Bills ought to be passed with deliberation by committees. Change should be achieved in a bipartisan manner. Incrementally, day by day, we should reach… — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
Although no one explicitly wants a president who could have a reliable fall back career in stand-up comedy, everyone shudders at the thought of… — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
George Washington didn't have to make us laugh; he just had to establish precedents and avoid chopping down more cherry trees than he could… — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
At Harvard, people like to impart the idea that you are a mover and shaker. — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
It's easier to find the joke in something when you think, 'This - this is ridiculous.' — Alexandra Petri Copy Share Image
