Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I feel like humor is the answer to everything. If you have a little bit of humor in the shaker and you… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
You know I have been issued a public urination pass by the city because of my condition. Unfortunately, my little brother ran… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Then, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Sometimes they'll make little Play-Doh animals, and when they go to sleep, I'll break the heads off the animals and put them… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
It reminds me of like this pathetic friend that everybody had when they were a little kid who would let you borrow… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Kids don't say, "Wait." They say, "Wait up, hey wait up!" Because when you're little, your life is up. The future is… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Why does that pharmacist have to be two and a half feet higher than everybody else? Who the hell is this guy?… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
This is one of my big things of creative pursuits. You have your idea you want to do, but then you got… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I think the answer is we all need a little help, and the coffee's a little help with everything — social, energy,… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
What causes homophobia? What is it that makes the heterosexual man worry about this? I think it's because deep down all men… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
We’re all trying to get to the same island, whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive in, it doesn’t matter. What matters is when… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
We're all trying to get to the same island — whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive, it doesn't matter. What matters is when… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need.… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
I went up to the camp and Paul had me eat my first oyster I had never had an oyster in my life. And… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
Then, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the rubber band… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
This is really a crazy idea, you know. It probably won't work, but that will be interesting, too. You have to motivate yourself with… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
If you get something right, you really feel it, right in your chest, on stage. I think it's an incomparable experience. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
There are many things you can point to as proof that the human is not smart. But my personal favorite would have to be… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
You know what I never get with the limo? The tinted windows. Is that so people don't see you? Yeah, what a better way… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share
