A lot of times, you land in a city, and you're like, 'This is not my people.' I'm gonna do the show, but you don't feel like this is for you. And then, some places, you just go and just… — Tom Segura Copy Share Image
I don't want to lose weight to live long or be healthy. I just want to be able to make fun of fat people… — Tom Segura Copy Share Image
I would trade 20 white babies for an Asian baby. If I'm ever rich, I want a closet full of Asian babies. And I'll… — Tom Segura Copy Share Image
I don't like big events and crowded areas. I'm almost a curmudgeonly old man in that aspect. I've been like that forever. — Tom Segura Copy Share Image
You get such a visceral thrill driving a race car. You think you've driven, and then you're like, 'Oh, I was doing something for… — Tom Segura Copy Share Image
I think being funny was a coping mechanism because I was always the new kid in school. — Tom Segura Copy Share Image
I'm definitely a jaded traveler, but you try to make the best of what you know about the experience. Like, I know how to… — Tom Segura Copy Share Image
I know there are a lot of comics that put their kids all over social media, but I think it's weird. There are over… — Tom Segura Copy Share Image
Ninety percent of my material is made on stage, but I feel like you're missing something by abandoning sitting down to write entirely. — Tom Segura Copy Share Image
I've always worked toward, and felt comfortable with, you know, pausing and guiding the audience on a longer bit. — Tom Segura Copy Share Image
A lot of times, you land in a city, and you're like, 'This is not my people.' I'm gonna do the show, but you… — Tom Segura Copy Share Image
