I have two questions about Arnold Schwarzenegger. What does he know, and when will he know it? — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The teachers don't know anything. What are the kids going to learn with a horrible education system? — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Not a lot of people know about Tunisia. Sarah Palin thinks it's the name of one of Obama's kids. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Tt just seems to be human nature to seem to want to posit in another human being, qualities that you must know,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
We don't like mystery. You like mystery, 'cause it's not a mystery to you; you know when you're gonna get laid. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
This is America. We don't call an election before we know who won. That, after all, is the job of the Supreme… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
My father was a news guy, you know, he was in radio news. And so that was sort of in my DNA.… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn't know a game is going on? — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I think the reason why more rapists go into the military is the same reason why predators go into the Catholic Church.… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Do you want to know why marijuana is illegal? Because the drug companies want marijuana to be illegal. You see, if it… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
What we don't know is about Jeb Bush and cocaine. But we do know that he did once had his brother Florida… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
And he said that 47%-that's pretty high-47% of Americans are basically welfare bums who are mooching off the government. And then he… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
When those myths were created, when the Bible was written, man didn't know what an atom or a germ was, or where… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't know if anybody from my tribe of atheists ever thanked [Barack Obama] for giving us a shout-out at your first… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
What a day for the Tea Party people. Did you see that? America's parks and fairgrounds were lost in a sea of… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: I don't give two fingleberries and a McShit-all that Dumbledore is gay. I never wanted to know who Dumbledore was… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I'll clue you in on a secret: death is not the worst thing that could happen to you. I know we think… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Nowas you all know, this week, Pope Benedict told Vatican Radio—you know, Vatican Radio, playing the hits from the 8th century, 9th… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Also, in the category of 'obvious but still shocking,' an animal called a 'killer whale' killed someone who was trying to play… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
People do not want to be disillusioned by the new president [Barak Obama]. The liberals felt, finally, this is our time. Now… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
There is a big difference between a disappointing friend and a deadly enemy. Of course the Democrats are disappointing. That's what makes… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Sarah Palin has already had an effect on foreign relations... The new president of Pakistan, Ali Zardari, is in hot water, because… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
When I do stand-up around the country, I often see people walk out. This is a show that they've purposely gone to,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I want to just take a moment to thank the Teabaggers. Thank you so much for helping us pass health care, for… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I know a whole generation has been raised on the notion of multiculturalism; that all civilizations are just different. No! Not always.… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Romney, Gingrich, Santorum spent their week lecturing America about the morality of birth control. You know, you guys don't need birth control,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I think I know now why we are occupying Iraq. In case we have to sell America and move to a smaller… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You know, we do a lot of complaining here in America. And that itself is something they can't do in a lot… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't think all life is precious. I know people say that all the time, "Life is precious." I think some life… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You'd know if I was the de-facto leader of the Democratic Party, because you'd go down to Walgreen's and buy a pack… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Anyone who tells you that they know, they just know what happens when you die, I promise you, you dont. How can… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Sometimes I'm dragging my ass out to the airport at 8 a.m. on a Saturday and I'm wondering why I'm doing this,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Don't wear bacon cologne. If you put on...you know what? Screw it. Wear it. If you are the type of guy who… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I just don't see why anybody would vote Republican in the Army. If you want to support the troops, if I was… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You know, the only place in America where the millionaires and billionaires are predominantly liberal is here in Hollywood. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I'd just like to know what a cop WOULD have to do to get indicted - and what good are cop cameras… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
When consumers know things, they tend to make informed choices, and that could affect corporate profits. I'm sorry, but your right to… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Look at the list of liberals who are active in politics, if not running. Barbra Streisand, Sean Penn, Warren Beatty, Springsteen, Spielberg...… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid. — Bill Maher Copy Share
I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad's room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share
To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't… — Bill Maher Copy Share
You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking,… — Bill Maher Copy Share
New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share
“New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures… — Bill Maher Copy Share
I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is… — Bill Maher Copy Share
“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives… — Bill Maher Copy Share
So many kids are fat drug addicts these days, it's almost as if Rush Limbaugh had puppies. — Bill Maher Copy Share
What we don't know is about Jeb Bush and cocaine. But we do know that he did once had his brother Florida on a… — Bill Maher Copy Share
“I find that the world is changing much, much faster than I can even bitch about it.” — Bill Maher Copy Share
![“Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn't know a game is going on?” quote by Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ce8/bill-maher-211_equipment_is-it-hunting-really-a-sport-if-you-have_477324.jpg)
![“When those myths were created, when the Bible was written, man didn't know what an atom or a germ was, or where the sun went at night, or why the women got pregnant. [Laughs.] They needed stories to answer the questions.” quote by Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5cd/bill-maher-211_answers_when-those-myths-were-created-when-the-b_2477028.png)
![“I don't know if anybody from my tribe of atheists ever thanked [Barack Obama] for giving us a shout-out at your first inaugural, but you did mention non-believers. We appreciate it. Because we do feel like untouchables to a degree.” quote by Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/27a/bill-maher-211_appreciate_i-don-t-know-if-anybody-from-my-tribe-of_2388040.jpg)
![“People do not want to be disillusioned by the new president [Barak Obama]. The liberals felt, finally, this is our time. Now they're worried. Now what they see is more business as usual. We all want to give him the benefit of the doubt, we know it's a tough job and he inherited a mess, but at the…” quote by Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a55/bill-maher-211_barak-obama_people-do-not-want-to-be-disillusioned-b_2978248.png)
