The country can't get well if the people are sick. And the people are sick. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
In America, you’re allowed to justify almost any kind of bigotry, sexism, or intolerance if you source it to God’s big book… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If you came into the theater believing in the talking snake, it's kind of hard to leave the theater still believing in… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If there is such a thing as karma, let's hope that Sarah Palin comes back as a wolf being shot at from… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If you ignore every single thing Jesus told you to do, you are just auditing. You're not a Christian. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Republicans are obsessed with abortion...if they really wanted to protect the weakest, most helpless people, wouldn't they protect the Democrats? — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You'd know if I was the de-facto leader of the Democratic Party, because you'd go down to Walgreen's and buy a pack… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I hear a lot of talk today about xenophobia. Is it really phobia if you have something to be afraid of? — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
There's a new iPad out...People are going nuts for this thing...And, today, Mitt Romney said, 'It's a flat piece of white plastic.… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If you think Democrats are going to take away your Bible, you're an idiot. If you think they are going to take… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I feel terrible for a Palestinian child who dies. But, if it's your father, your brother or your uncle who was firing… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If nobody is clear on what you're protesting, it's not a protest. Thousands of people gathered in London this week to voice… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Herman Cain answered the Wall Street protesters, and he had a message for these protesters. He said, 'If you don't have a… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
In New York, Catholic groups have forced an art gallery to shut down an exhibition of a six-foot image of Jesus in… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Mitt Romney we think is going run again. He says he has no plans to run, but he said if he did… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
During the Depression, or back when we were fighting Hitler, people didn't have time to sue a company if the coffee was… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If we go back to the beginning, we shall find that ignorance and fear created the gods; that fancy, enthusiasm, or deceit… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: If you still think Obama is a Muslim, you just might be a redneck. A Christian church in South Carolina… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Religions are maintained by people. People who can't get laid, because sex is the first great earthly pleasure. But if you can't… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Look at the list of liberals who are active in politics, if not running. Barbra Streisand, Sean Penn, Warren Beatty, Springsteen, Spielberg...… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The Founding Fathers were more deists. If you had to categorize them as anything. There was some sort of moving prime force.… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I'm more likely to not invite someone back for not talking. If someone talks a lot, I can usually shut them up… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
People, especially the liberals, just live in this world where if anything is said that offends anybody even a little bit, not… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Republicans say that sex is bad, because with them it always is. It is!...I'm sorry, but they're just doughy, asexual, wonky, white… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
It is appalling to make Jesus out of food! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go bake some communion wafers. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn't know a game is going on? — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I have two dogs. If I had retarded children, I'd be a hero. And yet, the dogs are pretty much the same… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Why is the AMA for 'Obamacare'? If this is going to hurt doctors, why are they for 'Obamacare'? — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If I thought the Lord was speaking to me I'd check myself into Bellevue, and I think you should too. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Laughter is sort of a natural truth detector. If you laugh at something, it's probably because there was some truth in it. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If a President must constantly remind the people that we're at war, then we're not. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
It would be kind of a tragedy if we got to the end of four years of Democratic rule without having really… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If it makes you feel any better we will be happy to attack a country that had nothing to do with it. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If anti-gay stuff is always coming out of your mouth, something very gay is probably going in. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid. — Bill Maher Copy Share
I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad's room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share
To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't… — Bill Maher Copy Share
You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking,… — Bill Maher Copy Share
New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share
“New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures… — Bill Maher Copy Share
I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is… — Bill Maher Copy Share
“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives… — Bill Maher Copy Share
So many kids are fat drug addicts these days, it's almost as if Rush Limbaugh had puppies. — Bill Maher Copy Share
What we don't know is about Jeb Bush and cocaine. But we do know that he did once had his brother Florida on a… — Bill Maher Copy Share
“I find that the world is changing much, much faster than I can even bitch about it.” — Bill Maher Copy Share
![“Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn't know a game is going on?” quote by Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ce8/bill-maher-211_equipment_is-it-hunting-really-a-sport-if-you-have_477324.jpg)
