Humor Quotes by Rachel Caine

“Better broke than dead.”

— Rachel Caine

“I love it when you talk dirty physics.”

— Rachel Caine

“You are just landmark stupid, aren't you? Has Guinness called yet about that world record?”

— Rachel Caine

“I think that's my new band name," Shane said. "Asshat and Nerd Girlfriend. It's got a ring to it.”

— Rachel Caine

“Just because he's a spider doesn't mean he deserves any less concern!”

— Rachel Caine

“It's part of the marriage vows. Didn't you read the fine print? To have and to harass.”

— Rachel Caine

“Don't read it. Just shred and burn, or your eyes will melt.”

— Rachel Caine

“I'm not obliged to defend your dignity. Provided you have any.”

— Rachel Caine

“You have to schedule your epiphanies. And be patient.”

— Rachel Caine

“Who's your daddy?' Myrnin stared at him as if he'd gone completely mental. ' Excuse me? ”

— Rachel Caine

“The back door popped open, and Claire, fairy wings all a-flutter, pulled Miranda inside. It was like a military operation, only with…

— Rachel Caine

“You, Monica said, leaning over her, really pissed me off, fish. I don't forget things like that. Neither does my boyfriend. Brandon?…

— Rachel Caine

“I'm going to have to give him shit for all this,' Shane said, as he wandered around. 'He lives alone and makes…

— Rachel Caine

“You looked like the sexiest woman in the world." "Well, in fairness, I am the sexiest woman in the world." "And you're…

— Rachel Caine

“At the very leadt, we can grab Monica and hustle her skanky ass back to her dad wile you brave, strong menfolk…

— Rachel Caine

“You staked a vampire with a number two pencil." "I didn't actually check the number." - Shane Collins and Claire Danvers from…

— Rachel Caine

“There were a few things scarier than a bipolar vampire off his meds, but to be honest, not that many.”

— Rachel Caine

“How'd you get to be so good at this?" "I had a good teacher." "Better not have been Myrnin or I'll have…

— Rachel Caine

“Bishop was all done with the witty conversation. 'Will you swear?' And Myrnin said, shockingly, 'I will.' And he proceeded to, a…

— Rachel Caine

“David was holding Mona steady. I hoped he also had a little attention to spare to keep us unnoticed from the ground;…

— Rachel Caine

“You're still here. No beer. I'm not corrupting a minor." "But you're a minor," she pointed out. "At least for beer." "Yeah,…

— Rachel Caine

“Ahh . . . maybe we should be going,” Shane said. “Ditch the shoes, Eve. We’ll be running now.” “I love these…

— Rachel Caine

“[Myrnin to Claire about their costumes of Pierrot and Harlequin, respectively] "Don't they teach you anything in your schools?" "Not about this…

— Rachel Caine

“Because Oliver wants you, and what Oliver wants, Oliver gets, right? So get your sweet little butt up already.” “Hey,” Shane said,…

— Rachel Caine

“Just wanted to remind you that we're out of milk again. And hot sauce." "Why are those two always out at the…

— Rachel Caine

“Any requests on the kind of car?” “Something with armor?” she said. “Oooh, and headrest DVD. Bonus for surround sound.” “Rocket launchers,”…

— Rachel Caine

“You’re their little girl,” Shane said. “You know, when I think about it, I’d feel the same way about my own daughter.”…

— Rachel Caine

“Well, friend, I don’t know about your tastes, but I tend to like it very bloody,” Myrnin said. He shifted position, dragging…

— Rachel Caine

“Yeah, I get it; you're a vampire," she said. "Creepy. And okay, a little hot, I admit." "You don't mean that." "Come…

— Rachel Caine

“He's named you heir apparent to the Apocalypse. Congratulations.”

— Rachel Caine

“Hell, I can't hit a girl. Here, Claire. You hit her.”

— Rachel Caine

“Are the two of you quite done with your sweet nothings? Because I might vomit.”

— Rachel Caine

“Best to flee now, before the pitchforks and torches and scientists come calling.”

— Rachel Caine

“Next time we commit crime, we'll make sure to include him.”

— Rachel Caine

“Wake me for the massacre, okay? Don't want to miss it.”

— Rachel Caine

“Really?" Claire said, and couldn't help but smile. "That's what creeps you out. Waxing. You can take on vampires and draug and…

— Rachel Caine

“You're just Little Miss Optimist, aren't you? Do you come with accessories, like a glass half full and lemons to make into…

— Rachel Caine

“Hey, we had fun. In the sense of next to none at all, I mean. Next time, can we at least stop…

— Rachel Caine

“This is the biggest damn IPod I've ever seen," Claire said, which made him choke on his beer. "Kidding. I have seen…

— Rachel Caine

“It's a guy thing. We have reactions to women in tight leather with whips. It's sort of involuntary.”

— Rachel Caine