Humor Quotes by Mike Birbiglia

I always try to attack the most honest issues I can in my comedy.

— Mike Birbiglia

Comedy unites, it doesn't divide!

— Mike Birbiglia

I was an altar boy as a kid. And the answer is no.

— Mike Birbiglia

All techniques of comedy are valid and interesting to me.

— Mike Birbiglia

What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.

— Mike Birbiglia

Everything about starting out in comedy is pride-swallowing, from handing out fliers to bombing in front of audiences.

— Mike Birbiglia

A girl offered me E at the club. 'Have you ever done E?' 'I watch E.'

— Mike Birbiglia

I drank the Kool-Aid of being a network star. Once it didn't happen, I realized it wasn't the best version of my…

— Mike Birbiglia

The one thing you're most reluctant to tell. That's where the comedy is.

— Mike Birbiglia

I feel like we can prove in real time the old trope that comedy is tragedy plus time.

— Mike Birbiglia

I shouldn't say bad things about the illiterate, though..I should write it. That way they won't find out.

— Mike Birbiglia

I'm walking out my door to get like a Snapple, and someone's like 'yo man, you want to buy some heroin?' 'No...…

— Mike Birbiglia

I didn't realize how good I was with technology until I met my parents... my dad told me "You're good; you should…

— Mike Birbiglia

When I was starting out, I thought I would go into comedy and there would be a mentor, like the Philip Seymour…

— Mike Birbiglia

Sometimes when I do a joke and it doesn't get a lot of laughs, it kind of feels like I'm doing jazz.…

— Mike Birbiglia

I think serious situations actually make for the best kind of belly laughs. But they're also the hardest to convert into comedy…

— Mike Birbiglia

When I was a kid I would write songs, little plays, and poetry in school. If you're an adult and you're a…

— Mike Birbiglia

So I went to a club the other day, which is timely because my self esteem had been hovering right around 'normal'…

— Mike Birbiglia

Two Drink Mike enjoys dancing and knows a magic trick. Whereas, No Drink Mike enjoys biographies, and has serious opinions on wildlife.…

— Mike Birbiglia

Eugene Mirman is the Andy Warhol of comedy. People look to him for what's next in comedy, and he emails these people…

— Mike Birbiglia

I think if anything, the fact that it's popular right now makes me go: "Well, I guess I'm going to start doing…

— Mike Birbiglia

I was completely unqualified to get into Harvard. But then I went to my interview for Harvard, and the woman asked, 'Why…

— Mike Birbiglia

I've actually always wanted to write like a one-person show that was sort of a romantic comedy - a show that was…

— Mike Birbiglia

I listened to this interview once with Jerry Seinfeld that really influenced my comedy and all of my writing, which is that…

— Mike Birbiglia

My friends drink everywhere. They even drink at the laundromat. I tried drinking at the laundromat, and I thought I was in…

— Mike Birbiglia

I thought, Hey, maybe these people shouldn't be making up holidays to drink more. Maybe if they drank less they might be…

— Mike Birbiglia

The way I view comedy clubs is, people are drinking, they're ordering food, they're out for the night, and there's also a…

— Mike Birbiglia

“I wake up at 4:30 am to jump on a plane, which is that part of the morning before the earth even…

— Mike Birbiglia

Comedy is tragedy plus time, but the time is different for everybody.

— Mike Birbiglia

I went to a funeral recently, and they handed out Kleenex before the funeral. Which I thought was cocky.

— Mike Birbiglia

My family isn't really Italian. We're more like Olive Garden Italian.

— Mike Birbiglia

“I'm a big fan of pastries the size of a baby that contain enough calories for a year. That seems like an…

— Mike Birbiglia

I don't smoke a lot of pot anymore. No one wants to hang around a guy who ends every sentence with, "Do…

— Mike Birbiglia

I got an E-Trade account. Turns out I can turn $1,000 into $420 in less than a week. Sure, I had to…

— Mike Birbiglia

The ability to workshop in stand-up comedy is incomparable to any art form, in my opinion.

— Mike Birbiglia

I don't drink a lot. My family calls me an old soul. And my friends call me a pussy.

— Mike Birbiglia

Awkwardness and feeling alienated are always going to be a part of comedy.

— Mike Birbiglia

“I shouldn't say bad things about the illiterate, though..I should write it.”

— Mike Birbiglia

I read recently that women still make 30% less than men in the workplace. Which I think is fine, cause if we…

— Mike Birbiglia

I think spending a lot of time with my mom, who's a talker and a storyteller, and my dad, who has kind…

— Mike Birbiglia