Paris Hilton is one of the hosts for Nicole Richie’s baby shower, and they’re serving sushi. Awesome, Paris—sushi, the one thing pregnant… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
It's like being a stand-up comedian is what leads to being a talk-show host. That life is not cut out for a… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
Whoever calls and asks me to do stuff and obviously, with having your own TV show, people want you to get involved.… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
[Late-night host] is not really a job for a woman. You can't have kids and be a late-night host.I mean Samantha Bee… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I think the people I talk about are generally so stupid that they don't even know I'm saying bad things about them. I've run… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share
At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly over something ridiculous like a leaf, and… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share
A federal grand jury is investigating allegations that David Copperfield raped, assaulted and threatened a woman he took to his private island in the… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share
It's been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be. If someone is… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share
“My mother agreed to aid my abuse of alcohol but only if I promised never to tell my newly converted Mormon sister, whose identity… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share
I try to not overthink anything. I don't understand why nipples are nudity. Who cares? Men can show their nipples but if we have… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share
Seeing your mother naked is not something you easily recover from. Seeing your mother naked and jumping from one side of a king-sized bed… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share
I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share
I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second¦ or the fifth. Ill just… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share
“It was quite obvious that without severe behavior modification, this boy would grow up to be a serial killer.” — Chelsea Handler Copy Share
Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share
My negotiation skills are are on par with George Bush's reading ability. And just like Dubya, every time I've tried to put forth an… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share
I will probably have sex with Eminem after the show is over. Probably, I dont see why I wouldnt. Im fair game, its not… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share
“I've found that many of the people who have a passion for karaoke too often have misplaced confidence, which can become aggressive and border… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share
![“[Late-night host] is not really a job for a woman. You can't have kids and be a late-night host.I mean Samantha Bee has children, but you're there all day and all night. No one has a life outside of it. I would never try to have a family. I care much more about a career anyway, than having a…” quote by Chelsea Handler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/21d/chelsea-handler-887_all-night_late-night-host-is-not-really-a-job-for_2229366.jpg)