I'm still working on my time machine. If I ever perfect it, I'm going back in time to prevent Ace Ventura 2… — Andy Kindler Copy Share Image
Jewish people, we're repulsed by Hitler, but we're obsessed with him. If you ever want to rob a Jewish person's house, all… — Andy Kindler Copy Share Image
I watched Anderson Cooper 360 for a year before I realized that the second hour was a repeat of the first. I just thought… — Andy Kindler Copy Share Image
Kevin James is going to do a couple of specials. One's called It's Getting Muggy In Here. — Andy Kindler Copy Share Image
There's a lot of controversy online, some people say i'm a genius and other say i'm hugely talented. — Andy Kindler Copy Share Image
Republicans are just rich, old, white people - that's all they are. You ever see the Republican National Convention? All white people - six… — Andy Kindler Copy Share Image
I don't think there's anything Craig Ferguson could say that would make me laugh. Ad-libbing is not the same as entertainment. — Andy Kindler Copy Share Image
Eddie Izzard is doing his show in French... Will he be able to fake ad-lib as well in other languages? He's been speaking French… — Andy Kindler Copy Share Image
If I don't believe in Jesus, maybe I don't believe in Hell. Did you ever think of that? You're so excited about it, why… — Andy Kindler Copy Share Image
The saddest day in Pixar history was when some guy said 'get Larry the Cable Guy on the phone. — Andy Kindler Copy Share Image
I don't know if it's the weather or what's going on - the summer or something like that - but recently I've been feeling… — Andy Kindler Copy Share Image
Once when Larry the Cable Guy was on Conan's show, Conan O'Brien was so offended by Larry's material, he had to walk away from… — Andy Kindler Copy Share Image
I don't remember much about my bar mitzvah. The only thing I remember - I killed! That's what I remembered. Nobody could follow me… — Andy Kindler Copy Share Image
I love whenever they downgrade a hurricane to a tropical depression, because I always think of a tropical depression as how I feel three… — Andy Kindler Copy Share Image
