Hemorrhoids Quotes by Ari Shaffir

The biggest thing I lost when I left religion was that sense of community and the culture. It was an unexpected kind of free-falling.…

— Ari Shaffir

Early on, I had a girlfriend come see me, and she was like, 'Yeah, it was good, but you were funny at a dining…

— Ari Shaffir

I'm pretty much only friends with comedians.

— Ari Shaffir

I don't vote and I don't follow who's trying to rule us. The revolution is coming. Until then, I'll just watch 'Game of Thrones.'

— Ari Shaffir

Stage fright is a real thing. It's debilitating to some people.

— Ari Shaffir

I worked for the Comedy Store as an employee trying to become a paid regular. I had this dream of achieving a half hour…

— Ari Shaffir

Very rarely are you going to see a story about a comic winning a fight. Yeah we're all degenerates in some way and we're…

— Ari Shaffir

Laughs, just laughs. It's the only motivation of a comic.

— Ari Shaffir

Leonard Cohen kept his Jew name. He's so cool. It's too bad he died.

— Ari Shaffir

No astronauts look like George Clooney.

— Ari Shaffir

I was playing basketball, and I had hemorrhoids in high school.

— Ari Shaffir

I get lost a lot.

— Ari Shaffir