I went last week to get hypnotized. To quit smoking. And the hypnotist said, 'The reason you smoke is you're bitter and depressed.' No, the reason I smoke is the little sucker tastes so good. — Lewis Grizzard Copy Share Image
You can write the best column in the world on Monday, and it does you absolutely no good on Tuesday. There is no way to win. You just write until you are tired, they fire you, or you die. — Lewis Grizzard Copy Share Image
The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wiggle out of one. — Lewis Grizzard Copy Share Image
“Life is like a dog sled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.” — Lewis Grizzard Copy Share Image
Today's sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, "Where the hell did you get a crazy idea like… — Lewis Grizzard Copy Share Image
The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the… — Lewis Grizzard Copy Share Image
When My Love Comes Back from the Ladies' Room, Will I Be Too Old To Care? — Lewis Grizzard Copy Share Image
The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wriggle and weasel out of one. — Lewis Grizzard Copy Share Image
I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. — Lewis Grizzard Copy Share Image
I wish one time in my life I could do what other writers do... get me a villa in Spain and go there to… — Lewis Grizzard Copy Share Image
I went last week to get hypnotized. To quit smoking. And the hypnotist said, 'The reason you smoke is you're bitter and depressed.' No,… — Lewis Grizzard Copy Share Image
Yankees don't understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can… — Lewis Grizzard Copy Share Image
