My music teacher told me that she didn't even know why I was going to college - I should be a stand-up. — Heather McDonald Copy Share Image
I thought that unless people know me, they wouldn't find me funny. — Heather McDonald Copy Share Image
Lobster is not going to be as tasty with ice tea unless that ice tea is from Long Island. — Heather McDonald Copy Share Image
God did not put you on this earth simplest to be any person's mom. — Heather McDonald Copy Share Image
I remember I was in music class, I was a senior in high school, and my music teacher was like, "You should be a… — Heather McDonald Copy Share Image
My mother set to work whilst i was 7 and I loved looking to make her really feel badly about it. Ultimately, I matured… — Heather McDonald Copy Share Image
In my day we used to have pray to run into an ex looking great, but now you just post a selfie in your… — Heather McDonald Copy Share Image
My music teacher told me that she didn't even know why I was going to college - I should be a stand-up. — Heather McDonald Copy Share Image
People love my honesty when it comes to parenting. I really struggled that I wasn't fitting in with the other moms at my kids'… — Heather McDonald Copy Share Image
The most important thing as a comic and a creator is to have a robust standpoint. — Heather McDonald Copy Share Image
The most important thing as a comic and a writer is to have a strong point of view. I have one and can recognise… — Heather McDonald Copy Share Image
“The only person who is going to buy that monstrosity with all it's marble and pillars is a Persian. Why did they add all… — Heather McDonald Copy Share Image
My husband doesn't have to try to add to my comedy he just does being himself and saying & doing the things he does.… — Heather McDonald Copy Share Image
