Funny Quotes by John Green

“Oh my god, I am a banana.”

— John Green

She fell apart because that's what happens.

— John Green

“I love it when you talk medical to me,” he said”

— john green

Life has become the future.

— John Green

No headboards were broken.

— John Green

“She is funny without ever being mean.”

— John Green

“I kind of think that everyone who disagrees with me is wrong.”

— John Green

“they love their hair because they're not smart enough to love anything more interesting”

— John Green

Books so special and rare and yours that advertising your affection feels like a betrayal.

— John Green

“I'm telling you, Augustus Waters talked so much that he'd interrupt you at his own funeral.”

— John Green

The thought of you being removed from the rotation is not funny to me.

— John Green

You're funny, and you're smart, and you may show up late, but you always show up eventually.

— John Green

Not that smart. Not that hot. Not that nice. Not that funny. That's me: I'm not that.

— John Green

“I mean, we're ninjas." "Well maybe you're a ninja," I said "You're just a really loud, awkward ninja," Margo said, "but we…

— John Green

In general, watching children's television is a dark and surreal descent into madness where the characters on the screen talk directly to…

— John Green

High school is neither a democracy nor a dictatorship - nor, contrary to popular belief, an anarchic state. High school is a…

— John Green

“I might have hasked a question..., except that 1. I didn't know what it was, and 2. I didn't care to learn,…

— John Green

She's cute, I thought, but you don't need to like a girl who treats you like you're ten: You've already got a…

— John Green

“There are times when it is appropriate, even preferable, to get an erection when someone's face is in close proximity to your…

— John Green

“The pigs can't stop the fox; I'm too quick,' Takumi said to himself. "I can rhyme while I run; I'm that slick.”

— John Green

“What the hell is that?" I laughed. "It's my fox hat." "Your fox hat?" "Yeah, Pudge. My fox hat." "Why are you…

— John Green

“It's not because I want to make out with her." Hold on." He grabbed a pencil and scrawled excitedly at the paper…

— John Green

“Why do you smoke so damn fast?" I asked. She looked at me and smiled widely, and such a wide smile on…

— John Green

“Ma'am,' Augustus said, nodding toward her, 'your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door…

— John Green

“She wasn't a particularly funny person. It suited her professionally - I mean, you don't want your cancer surgeon to walk into…

— John Green

We were kissing. I thought: This is good. I thought: I am not bad at this kissing. Not bad at all. I…

— John Green

“Unfortunately for the Culver Creek Nothings, we weren't playing the deaf-and-blind school. We were playing some Christian school from downtown Birmingham, a…

— John Green

“Well," Ben went on,"someone should just tell her to come on home, because she can find the world's largest balls right here…

— John Green

“and then she said, 'Let's play Truth or Dare' and then you fucked her." "Wait, you fucked her? In front of the…

— John Green

“Hey,' he said, touching my waist. 'Hey. It's okay.' I nodded and wiped my face with the back of my hand. 'He…

— John Green

“Like any good teacher, she tolerated little dissension. She smoked and talked and ate for an hour without stopping, and I scribbled…

— John Green

“I can't go to Amsterdam. One of my doctors thinks it's a bad idea." He was quiet for a second. "God," he…

— John Green

“You were with Margo Roth Spiegelman last night? At THREE A.M.? I nodded. Alone? I nodded. Oh my God, if you hooked…

— John Green

“And then we heard a branch break. It might have been a deer, but the Colonel busted out anyway. A voice directly…

— John Green

“Cover me!' Augustus said as he jumped out from behind the wall and raced toward the school. Isaac fumbled for his controller…

— John Green

“He’s not that smart.” “She’s right,” Augustus says. “It’s just that most really good-looking people are stupid, so I exceed expectations.” “Right,…

— John Green

“What are you assholes looking at?" "Nothing," said Radar. "We're certainly not looking at your eyebrows.”

— John Green

We're professional worriers. You're constantly imagining things that could go wrong and then writing about them.

— John Green

“I brought you a snack," Takumi said, dropping an oatmeal cream pie onto my book. "Very nutritious," I smiled. "You've got your…

— John Green

“He loves weed like Alaska loves sex," the Colonel said. "This is a man who once constructed a bong using only the…

— John Green