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Funny Quotes by George Mikes

43 Funny quotes by George Mikes

All Funny quotes George Mikes’s page

George Mikes pokes fun at British and Australian quirks. He jokes about a British superiority complex that feels outdated and an Australian anti‑intellectual streak that still lives on. He also mocks how rich Australians build pools they actually swim in, and how the art of conversation never took root there.

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Bad English was the second language of Israel and bad Hebrew, of course, remained the national language.

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The Americans are extremely gadget minded people and American gadgets have a peculiar characteristic: they work.

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Continental people have a sex life; the English have hot-water bottles.

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Rich people (in Australia) have swimming pools in their gardens but, at least, they do swim in them.

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Japan is, you often feel, an improved version of the United States.

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Tel-Aviv airport is still the only airport in the world where each passenger is met by ten relatives.

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Continental people have sex lives; the English have hot-water bottles.

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The Japanese are human beings like the rest of us, but they will strongly resent this insinuation.

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The British suffer from a most unfortunate superiority complex - unjustified even under Victoria and most certainly hopelessly out-of-date today.

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Bargaining is a repulsive habit; compromise is one of the highest human virtues - the difference between the two being that the…

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The Art of Conversation could not die in Australia; it never lived. Television did not kill it; there was nothing there to…

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I asked many friends if Australian anti-intellectualism was still a living force and they all told me it was. If you are…

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The country has always been governed by a coalition but today it is governed by a so-called Grand Coalition which is a…

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If it is gay, ribald and lascivious night-life you are after, Israel is not the place for you. The night clubs you…

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It is great fun dying in the United States of America. It is great fun first of all for the undertakers who…

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Television is of great educational value. It teaches you while still young how to (a) kill, (b) rob, (c) embezzle, (d) shoot,…

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In the field of snobbery, Australia is an underdeveloped country; even a few British ex-colonies, regarded as under developed in all other…

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The poor Americans are so busy defending the rights of Hindus in Pakistan, Moslems in India, Jews in Palestine, Koreans in Japan,…

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Although the rudiments of snobbery are there, its finer developments are basically alien to the Australian soul - that is, if Australians…

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A great deal of the pupils time was spent going through, once again, the History of the Communist (Bolshevik) Party of the…

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It is often said that the Japanese are extremely clean at home, or inside any house or office, but dirty and untidy…

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The British are proud of their ability to create a muddle and then muddle through all difficulties. I must shake the British…

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Australia objects to the mini-skirt not on moral but on economic grounds. Australians are no prudes and the lovely, healthy, sporty Australian…

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Australians are decent people with the right instincts and they wish everybody well; but if all is not well, it is none…

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The English have no soul; they have the understatement instead.

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Nobody uses his car in New York, because so many people use it that traffic is congested and unbearably slow.

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'I don't say a Zionist must be insane,' said President Weizmann, 'but it helps if he is.'

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In Moscow they do not pay much attention to the living but keep their cemeteries in a splendid state.

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There are many non-intellectual countries; Australia is one of the few anti-intellectual ones.

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Israelis keep teaching you your own business. God knows everything but the Israelis know everything better.

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Humility is one of the most repulsive virtues, nearly always false.

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I said in my earlier book, and find no reason for retracting my statement, that the famous Jewish sense of humour got…

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They (Americans) have their national game, baseball - which is cricket played with a strong American accent - and they have a…

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Long before the word Zionism was uttered for the first time, old religious Jews came from all over the world to die…

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People on the Continent either tell you the truth or lie; in England they hardly ever lie, but they would not dream…

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It was decided almost two hundred years ago that English should be the language spoken in the United States. It is not…

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A couple from Sydney or Melbourne might leave on the same day for their holiday: the wife might go sun-bathing at Surfers…

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When a wicked and unworthy subject annoyed the Sultan of Turkey or the Czar of Russia, he had his head cut of…

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Israel also deprived the world of its chance of shedding tears of genuine sympathy over her destruction. The world resents this; it…

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Japan suffered terribly from the atomic bomb but never adopted a pose of moral superiority, implying: 'We would never have done it!'…

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More by George Mikes

THE British are brave people. They can face anything, except reality.

The British suffer from a most unfortunate superiority complex - unjustified even under Victoria and most certainly hopelessly out-of-date today.

Remember that those five hundred words an average Englishman uses are far from being the whole vocabulary of the language. You may learn another…

English humor resembles the Loch Ness Monster in that both are famous but there is a strong suspicion that neither exists.

“Before you are admitted to British citizenship you are not even considered a natural human being. I looked up the word natural (na’tural) in…

“In the last century, when a wicked and unworthy subject annoyed the Sultan of Turkey or the Czar of Russia, he had his head…

“While all this goes on, the English remain staunch believers in equality. Equality is a notion the English have given to humanity. Equality means…

I asked many friends if Australian anti-intellectualism was still a living force and they all told me it was. If you are above average…

Once you start buying first aid kits you start having accidents.

“Mr S. got angry. ‘Yes, I do have a son. He’s a good-for-nothing. A dead loss.’ I couldn’t ask which prison he was in,…

“I have been told that my above-described theory is all wrong and is only due to my Central European conceit, because the English do…

Rich people (in Australia) have swimming pools in their gardens but, at least, they do swim in them.

“An average English house combines all the curses of civilisation with the vicissitudes of life in the open. It is all right to have…

Australia objects to the mini-skirt not on moral but on economic grounds. Australians are no prudes and the lovely, healthy, sporty Australian girls have…

The Art of Conversation could not die in Australia; it never lived. Television did not kill it; there was nothing there to kill.