I picked up the phone to call the police, but then I considered how it would sound when I told them that I was calling from inside my bathroom, where I’d OD’ed on laxatives, and that a possible rapist was… — Jenny Lawson Copy Share Image
Then I yelled through his door, "It's an anniversary gift for you, asshole. Two whole weeks early. FIFTEEN YEARS IS BIG METAL CHICKENS. — Jenny Lawson Copy Share Image
the most terribly human moments - the ones we want to pretend never happened - are the very moments that make us who we… — Jenny Lawson Copy Share Image
“I MADE MY CATS A WATER BED OUT OF A ZIPLOC BAG AND A SHOEBOX. THEY POPPED IT WITH THEIR CLAWS AND THEY ALMOST… — Jenny Lawson Copy Share Image
“Everything in this book is mostly true but some details have been changed to protect the guilty. I know it’s usually about “protecting the… — Jenny Lawson Copy Share Image
Have you ever been homesick for someplace that doesn't actually exist anymore? Someplace that exists only in your mind? — Jenny Lawson Copy Share Image
“As far as I'm concerned, a house should look lived-in, and I consider it clean as long as I don't stick to it and… — Jenny Lawson Copy Share Image
“Something wonderful about experiencing life with friendly strangers and stranger-friends who all fit in your pocket.” — Jenny Lawson Copy Share Image
“And while our families made their way to the church doorsteps to prepare to throw birdseed at us, we hid in the empty church… — Jenny Lawson Copy Share Image
“There's a very mean girl down the hall who's trying to get me fired. I'm no good with confrontation, so whenever I say, "Have… — Jenny Lawson Copy Share Image
“Then a man onstage quoted Sam Houston, saying, “Texas can make it without the United States, BUT THE UNITED STATES CANNOT MAKE IT WITHOUT… — Jenny Lawson Copy Share Image
Some people we define as trolls are just critics. Sometimes they have a point. And I hear them. But for the ones who comment… — Jenny Lawson Copy Share Image
“By my tenth glass of wine I started to wonder whether there was something wrong with my palate. Everyone else was marking the wine… — Jenny Lawson Copy Share Image
It's interesting with my blog, because it feels to me less like a blog and more like a forum, because my readers are so… — Jenny Lawson Copy Share Image
