My definition of love is: Being willing to die for someone, that you yourself want to kill. — Whitney Cummings Copy Share Image
Saying women aren't funny is now like saying Asians can't drive or saying black people have bad credit. It's just really, like, so obsolete. — Whitney Cummings Copy Share Image
When a guy writes a scene where a woman does a deviant sex act on camera, it's objectifying. But when a woman writes it,… — Whitney Cummings Copy Share Image
I think that we're in a really amazing time, where there are really a lot of really fantastic female actresses and comedians. I imagine… — Whitney Cummings Copy Share Image
The indie movie world is like a bad Tinder date, and there are always strings attached. — Whitney Cummings Copy Share Image
I wasn't one of those kids who stole Richard Pryor records. I wasn't a comedy-nerd kid. I had no concept of stand-up. Actually, the… — Whitney Cummings Copy Share Image
Good evening, America. I'm a woman, and welcome to The Late Late Show. — Whitney Cummings Copy Share Image
The most dangerous place I've ever performed standup is in my home state of California. — Whitney Cummings Copy Share Image
I don't want to look at myself - ever. All I see is that my face is a problem. It's asymmetrical. I get terrible… — Whitney Cummings Copy Share Image
I had a moment where I was onstage once... As a comedian, you just think, 'Be funny as possible all the time - like,… — Whitney Cummings Copy Share Image
I'm the one who's dating the craft-service guy instead of the producer. Plus, if a producer is going to date a hot young thing,… — Whitney Cummings Copy Share Image
I have so much to be thankful for. I work with the most amazing people, get to make people laugh for a living and… — Whitney Cummings Copy Share Image
I am excited to show people how, when you get older, you get deeper, you get more raw, you get more honest, and you… — Whitney Cummings Copy Share Image
I feel really trapped as a comedian - someone who is supposed to be funny and light, making jokes all the time. But I'm… — Whitney Cummings Copy Share Image
I have a theory, which is that the idea of a roast is to go to this forbidden, uncomfortable, almost performance-art-level shock place, but… — Whitney Cummings Copy Share Image
