One thing I can guarantee you. You may not be a great deal wiser from my talk today, but you will be a great deal older. — Melvin Helitzer Copy Share Image
I sort of feel like Cindy Crawford's new husband on their wedding night. I know what's expected of me. I'm just not sure I've… — Melvin Helitzer Copy Share Image
One thing I can guarantee you. You may not be a great deal wiser from my talk today, but you will be a great… — Melvin Helitzer Copy Share Image
If the audience knows what's behind the door and the actor does not, that's comedy. If both the audience and the actor do not… — Melvin Helitzer Copy Share Image
A famous actor, Edmund Kean, on his deathbed, was reported to have said, "Dying is easy. Comedy is hard." — Melvin Helitzer Copy Share Image
I'd like to introduce a man with a lot of charm, talent, and wit. Unfortunately, he couldn't be here tonight, so instead . . . — Melvin Helitzer Copy Share Image
Enjoy how sweet, how thoughtful, how kind I'm being on your birthday. Because tomorrow it's back to the same old crap. — Melvin Helitzer Copy Share Image
